Learn More About Who You Are Through a Dialogue With Your Opposite Self

Sometimes people come to therapy with a narrow definition of who they are as a person. Sometimes it is because they over-identify with their mental health diagnosis, sometimes it is due to cultural influences, sometimes it is because of messages they heard from their family or people in position of power, or sometimes simply because it has not been safe to fully explore who they are.

One of the goals of narrative therapy is to help people develop a very rich description of themselves, see themselves as three dimensional individuals with a complex and deep inner world, and have a vision of themselves that is hopeful and empowering allowing space to grow.

I want to introduce you to a writing activity that can help you learn more about yourself and encourage flexibility in how you define yourself. When you are better able to accept all that you are, with all your complexities, contradictions, and parts that you don’t like, you will be better equipped to face reality and navigate it more effectively.

First, divide a paper into two columns. On the left, write a list of qualities that describe you. Include roles, cultural identities, strengths, weaknesses, likes or dislikes, interests, or groups that you belong to. On the right, write down the opposite of what you wrote on the left. It does not necessarily need to be the exact opposite as there may be multiple words that could fit. For example, for “plays piano”, you could write “does not play piano” or “plays guitar” or “dislikes classical music” or “unskilled at musical instruments”. There is not necessarily a correct answer.

Example:

Write a name for your opposite self. Then, write a paragraph about that character (3- 6 sentences). You can briefly describe a moment in their day and place them in a setting that fits them.

Then, write about your encounter with them. Describe how you meet and write the dialogue between you and your opposite self (1-2 pages).

Take a moment to review what you wrote from list of descriptions to the dialogue. Did the list describe who you are consistently across different situations, times, and places? What surprised you about the two lists? What did you feel when reading the dialogue? What about the opposite self triggers you or annoys you the most? Do you have people in your life who are like that opposite self? Are there times when you are/were like your opposite self? Are their descriptions from your opposite self list that you wish could have? Have there been some identities that you have neglected or have not been able to shine as much as you would have liked? Are there some descriptions from the opposite self that you could integrate (for example, opposites that can both be true of who you are)? What else did you learn from this writing activity?