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THOUGHT DEFUSION: An Alternative Approach to Handling Intrusive Negative Thoughts

THOUGHT DEFUSION: An Alternative Approach to Handling Intrusive Negative Thoughts

by | Feb 23, 2018 | Coping, Depression, Obsession

Automatic negative thoughts are a natural part of the human experience. For the most part, we don’t conjure them up or think them on purpose. They happen instinctively.

 Negative thoughts get directed toward ourselves (“I can’t believe I’m running late again today! I’m going to get fired!”), toward others (“There’s Jim, walking in late; he’s so lazy.”), and toward our environment (“Stupid Portland traffic! It’s making me late!”). Sometimes negative thoughts are so pervasive that they can tank your mood for the day, or leave you stuck in a spiral of worries. These natural, instinctive thoughts can take on a life of their own!

In the book, “The Happiness Trap,” Steven C. Hayes describes what happens when we become “fused” with our negative thoughts:

  • Thoughts are reality: as if the awful thing we are imagining is actually happening
  • Thoughts are the truth: we completely buy-in
  • Thoughts are important: we treat them seriously and urgently, giving them our full attention
  • Thoughts are orders: we must obey them
  • Thoughts are wise: we assume they know best and we follow their advice
  • Thoughts are threats: we let them bother us or terrify us

He suggests that some “fused” thoughts may be helpful and others might not be as helpful. Those thoughts that ARE helpful and constructive are worth giving your time and emotional energy. For example, the thought that says “I can’t believe I’m running late again today” might prompt you to examine your morning routine, adjusting it to allow for more margin.

On the other hand, some thoughts are downright self-defeating and serve no useful purpose but to shame you, worry you, or leave you feeling stuck. It’s up to you to determine which thoughts are, in fact, not helpful. Those will be the thoughts you might be ready to “defuse” or disconnect from.

Here are some creative strategies for creating distance for those pesky negative thoughts that you need some space from:

  • Label your thoughts as thoughts (Example: “I’m having a thought that I’m worthless” feels different than “I’m worthless”).
  • Imagine your thoughts like clouds in the sky, just passing by. They can come and go as fast or slow as they please, simply watch and observe them without judgment. Become a fly on the wall observing thoughts, labeling them (“there’s a thought”), and letting them go on their way. Some thoughts are recurring visitors, appearing over and over. That’s okay! You can simply notice them and watch them pass on by.
  • Try out one of your particularly “fused” negative thoughts using the voice of a movie or cartoon character (how does it feel differently to say the negative thought using the voice of Micky Mouse or the voice of Al Pacino from The Godfather?).
  • Try singing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or “Jingle Bells.” Does it still feel the same?
  • Don’t only observe your thoughts, but also try shifting your focus to observing your body. Notice your breath–See if you can track your breath from the moment it enters your nose (cool and refreshing) to the moment it exits your mouth (warm and rushing). Notice how your feet feel in your shoes, where you feel tension, and where you feel at ease.

If you’d like to learn more about thought defusion, “The Happiness Trap” is an excellent resource guide. Thought defusion skills are an integrated part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is another therapeutic approach that has been specifically designed for helping shift unhelpful, negative thought patterns in a more direct manner. A professional counselor can guide you in customizing coping skills so that you can shift out of negative thought ruts and feel free from their persistent haunting.

5 Tricks for Falling Asleep

5 Tricks for Falling Asleep

by | Dec 27, 2017 | Anxiety, Coping, Insomnia

Are you one of the 30% of Americans that have had bouts with insomnia? Do you get less than the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep each night (or 8-10 hours for teens)?

Sleep loss can have profound impacts on a body’s physical and emotional health. Bad sleep can increase irritability, lower mood, cloud concentration, and increase stress. If you are tired of being tired, it might be time to try something new to help you get back on track with a steady sleep schedule.

In this article, we will unpack a toolkit of coping strategies for helping you get to sleep and stay asleep with greater ease.

 

PART 1: UNDERSTAND YOUR JOB AND TURN DOWN THE PRESSURE

Do any of these nighttime thoughts sound familiar– “I should be asleep right now.” “Why can’t I just sleep??”

We beat ourselves up for not being able to go to sleep, as if it is in our power to make that happen.

MYTH: It’s my job at nighttime to fall asleep.

FACT: I CAN’T make myself fall asleep. It’s my job to relax.

The thoughts that express frustration about sleeplessness only increase heart-rate and make sleep more elusive. Take the pressure off by telling yourself that your body will go to sleep when it is ready. You are not abnormal for having struggles with sleep. Talk back to the catastrophic thoughts telling you that you’ll fail at work/school/life if you don’t get a good night’s sleep. That is rarely true and only amplifies pressure and keeps you awake. A counselor can help you change the negative thoughts about sleep and wakefulness that are keeping you stuck.

TIP: Stop clock-watching. Every time you look at the clock, you do math in your head, counting the number of hours you have left to sleep. This ramps up obsessive thoughts, making relaxation and sleep more difficult. Try covering your nightstand alarm clock with a towel.

 

PART 2: SLOW DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS

Night tends to be the time of day when worried, anxious thoughts come to life. Some people find themselves laying in bed for hours with racing thoughts, worries about their to-do list for tomorrow, ruminating thoughts rehashing what happened earlier today, and concern for other looming unknowns.

If this describes you, try out a “Mind Dump” exercise. Grab a notebook (or a simple piece of paper) and write down all of the worries on your mind, as quickly as possible. Don’t stop to organize the thoughts, check spelling, or edit. Write down all of your worries, even if they seem too ridiculous to put on a page. A “Mind Dump” helps to contain worries so you don’t have to hold them in your head. It will help you rest peacefully, knowing you have a written memory aid for addressing those concerns in the morning when your mind is alert and better able to problem-solve.

 

PART 3: SLOW DOWN YOUR BODY

The skill of “slowing” can be done both before getting in bed and after you are in bed.

Beforehand, choose activities before bed that decrease heart-rate and help you feel calm. Examples of such activities might include reading a book, practicing meditation, taking a bath, working on a puzzle, or something else you find relaxing. Pay attention to how your body feels in the 2 hours before bedtime and adjust evening activities accordingly. Perhaps watching those episodes of “Stranger Things” or “Walking Dead” are not as calming as you’d think.

Caution: TV and other screens can emit blue light that disrupts your body’s ability to wind down at night. If your device allows, turn on a blue light filter to prevent this interruption to your circadian regulation.

Once in bed, there are a number of relaxation skills you can implement to help you ease into sleep.

PART 4: CREATE A POSITIVE ASSOCIATION BETWEEN YOUR BED AND SLEEP

Following the protocols of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), which research indicates may be more effective than medications in the long-term, your bed should be a sacred place for sleep and intimacy. That means that your bed is not the place for you to read books, watch TV, do work, or to WORRY. The goal is to re-train your brain to associate your bed with sleep so you can fall asleep within minutes. The rules are clear:

  • Do not spend time in your bedroom when you are not sleeping
  • Get out of bed after 20-30 minutes if you aren’t falling asleep
  • Do not return to bed until you feel sleepy
  • Don’t compensate for sleep loss on the weekends

 

Book Recommendation: “Quiet Your Mind and Get to Sleep: Solutions to Insomnia for those with Depression, Anxiety, or Chronic Pain” by Colleen Carney and Rachel Manber provides some excellent CBT-i focused resources and tracking tools.

 

PART 5: AVOID SELF-MEDICATING

Wouldn’t it be nice if your body had an OFF switch, where you could flip it to SLEEP MODE as easily as you do you desktop computer? That’s most certainly what people are searching for when they try out quick fixes (substances, over-the-counter medications, etc.). Despite the promise of a good night’s sleep, some of these options come with risks, including the potential for them to become habit forming. Some, like benzodiazepines, come with more scary potential side effects, including a substantially increased risk for developing dementia.

Those that use alcohol to lull themselves to sleep, might find themselves with some unintended consequences. According to the National Sleep Foundation, alcohol blocks REM sleep, can interrupt your circadian rhythm, and, since alcohol is a diuretic, can wake you up in the middle of the night for a bathroom break.

 

If you need help with recurring insomnia, a counselor can help you customize a back-to-sleep toolkit just for you and your unique sleep struggles.

How to Cope with Stress & Loss around the Holidays

How to Cope with Stress & Loss around the Holidays

by | Dec 9, 2017 | Anxiety, Coping, Grief

For some, the “most wonderful season of the year” is anything but wonderful. Any number of things can make this season challenging:

  • Feelings of loneliness
  • Worry about how family members will get along
  • Missing a loved one that is no longer with you
  • Guilt about indulging in holiday foods
  • Financial burdens of the holiday season
  • The gloomy, rainy, cold Pacific Northwest weather
  • Busyness
  • And the list goes on!

For those that are struggling this season, we’ve put together a list of coping ideas may help you get through the holidays with greater ease.

 

DEALING WITH STRESS

Stress is a major reason why people come to counseling this time of year. Here are some tips for managing holiday anxiety:

 

ADDRESS THE HAVE-TO’S

Every family has a unique culture and a unique list of holiday “have-to’s.” It is those “have-to’s” that create a sense of obligation, duty, and sometimes dread. Have you ever paused to ask yourself– “Do I really have to?” “Would anything awful happen if I didn’t?” “What are the reasons why I’ve indulged these “have-to’s” in the past?” Weigh out the pros and cons and give yourself permission to evaluate their necessity thoughtfully. Maybe you will still decide to follow through again this year, but at least it will be done choicefully, not from obligation.

 

ATTEMPT HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

Relationship conflict brings tension and anxiety during the holidays. Healthy communication involves two key components: 1) Respect for others and 2) Respect for yourself. If your communication style is lacking in one or the other, you might find yourself adding fuel to family conflicts.

If you trend toward passive communication, you have a tendency to hold back what you are really needing and stay quiet until you reach a breaking point. You tend to say “yes” to everything, only to complain about it behind someone’s back. Attuned family members can tell that you are resentful, despite your best efforts to pretend everything is okay. Be respectful of yourself by expressing your needs, saying “no” when you can, and honoring what you feel. It’s okay to be aware of your needs and say them out loud.

If you trend toward aggressive communication (criticism, snide remarks, put-downs, yelling, etc.), someone else’s needs and feelings might get bull-dozed right over, leading to escalations in arguments and family tension. Help communication move more smoothly by listening attentively. Listening is not the same as agreeing. Try summing up what you’ve heard someone say without judgement.

 

TAKE A BREAK

If you are operating at a break-neck pace to get all of your holiday tasks accomplished, you might be missing out on the beauty found in moments of slowing. Literally stop and smell the roses (or poinsettias). Use your 5 senses to practice being in the present moment. Those with introverted personalities should be especially mindful of taking social breaks during extended family visits. It’s okay to take a 20 minute bathroom break or walk around the block to recharge your social battery.

 

HOLD ON TO HEALTHY HABITS

 

HOLIDAY FOODS

Many of us look forward to holiday foods all year long. There aren’t many other times of year we make pumpkin pie, eggnog, or tree-shaped sugar cookies! The smells and tastes of the holidays bring richness to the season. Exposure to these foods can be stressful, however, if you have inner conflicts with food or discomfort with your body. If you’re still on the diet-train, this time of year can be especially riddled with guilt and shame with any indulgence. If this yearly battle sounds familiar, now might be the time to learn about Intuitive Eating, a non-diet approach to food that honors your body’s hunger, fullness, and satiety needs. A trained counselor can help you build a healthier relationship with food (and your body) so you can enjoy holiday favorites in a way that respects your body’s needs.

 

GET MOVING

Body movement (AKA exercise) can be an essential stress reliever during the bustle of the holiday season. If you are exercise-adverse, maybe it’s time to re-frame your idea of exercise. What would it be like for you to move your body in a way that feels joyful? Fun? Awe-inspiring? Strong? Or Energizing? Break out of the box and ask the question–When was the last time I had “FUN” moving my body? Maybe you were chopping wood, or hiking the woods at night, or dancing salsa. Whatever it is, put it into your schedule this winter.

 

COPING WITH GRIEF & LOSS

 

If you are enduring the holiday season without someone you love, this season can trigger intense grief, loneliness, and sadness. You might be missing your loved one deeply and the special moments shared together. There’s no quick fix for these feelings of grief, but here are some ideas that might help:

  • Go easy on yourself. You might not have the energy to host, entertain, or go through the motions of all of the usual holiday traditions. That’s okay.
  • Honor the person that you’ve lost. Don’t be afraid to reminisce, look at old photos, cook their favorite holiday meal, or even attend a local “Longest Night” or “Celeration of Remembrance” service.
  • Keep one tradition and add one tradition. There’s no doubting that this holiday will be different from the last. Embrace that and don’t be afraid to try one thing new.
  • Seek professional help. If you aren’t already meeting with a counselor, there’s no better time than the present.

If you’re experiencing stress or sadness around the holidays, a counselor at Star Meadow Counseling is available to help. You can reach us at 360-952-3070 or schedule an appointment online at www.starmeadowcounseling.com

5 Steps to Coping with Panic Attacks

5 Steps to Coping with Panic Attacks

by | May 3, 2016 | Anxiety, Coping, Counseling, Panic Attacks

Unless you are face-to-face with a bear or another physical danger, nothing feels more terrifying than a panic attack. Many have gone to the Emergency Room fearing heart attacks, strokes, and death. With symptoms including chest tightening, throat constricting, and faintness, it’s no wonder many seek urgent medical care! When you are begging for just one deep breath, you’ll take any help you can get. (more…)