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What Grief Really Looks Like (Hint: It’s Not Just Sadness)

What Grief Really Looks Like (Hint: It’s Not Just Sadness)

by | Grief

When most people think of grief, they picture someone crying quietly, looking somber, maybe withdrawing from friends and family. While those things can be part of grief, the full picture is much more complex—and deeply personal.

The truth is: grief doesn’t follow a script. And it’s not limited to just feeling sad.

Grief Can Look Like…

  • Anger – at the world, at others, at the person who died, at yourself.

  • Forgetfulness – struggling to focus, zoning out mid-conversation, missing appointments.

  • Physical symptoms – fatigue, body aches, changes in appetite or sleep, even illness.

  • Numbness – feeling like you’re going through the motions but not really in your life.

  • Guilt – for not doing or saying something, for surviving, or for feeling anything but grief.

  • Anxiety – feeling unsafe in the world, fearing more loss, or feeling like you’re “going crazy.”

  • Laughter – yes, laughter. Grief is paradoxical. Moments of lightness or absurdity can still show up—and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

 

Grief can also feel like love. As therapist and grief advocate Megan Devine writes, “Grief is part of love. When you lose someone you love, you don’t stop loving them. That ongoing love is expressed as grief.” Grief is the shape love takes when it’s left without a place to go. Devine challenges the idea that grief is something to “get over.” Instead, she explains: “Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” In other words, grief isn’t a problem to solve—it’s an experience to honor and tend to over time.

There’s No “Right” Way to Grieve

You might feel overwhelmed one day and strangely calm the next. You might be devastated at a song that reminds you of someone—and then forget for hours at a time that they’re gone. None of this makes you broken or bad at grief. It makes you human.

You might even grieve things that aren’t deaths: lost relationships, jobs, identities, health, safety, or imagined futures. These are often referred to as ambiguous losses, and they, too, deserve space.

Giving Grief Room to Breathe

One of the most powerful things you can do in grief is let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. There’s no timeline, no checklist, and certainly no gold star for “moving on.”

Megan Devine reminds us: “Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form.” If your grief feels messy, complicated, or unbearable—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to navigate it alone, either.

Therapy can be a place to honor your loss without trying to fix it. To carry what cannot be fixed with more support and less isolation.

You’re allowed to grieve in your own way.
If you’d like support in that process, we’re here to walk alongside you—no platitudes, no pressure, just presence.

Want to talk more? Reach out for a free consultation or learn about our individual therapy services.

Seasonal Depression and The PNW Rainy Season

Seasonal Depression and The PNW Rainy Season

by | Oct 20, 2022 |

What is SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), often called seasonal depression, is estimated to affect roughly 5% of the population at any given time. Although it can occur with any seasonal change, the predominant timeframe is depressive symptoms starting with a...

Coping with Political Anxiety

Coping with Political Anxiety

by | Anxiety, Burnout, Coping

Coping with Political Anxiety: How Therapy Can Help

In today’s world, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the constant stream of political news. For many, staying informed is essential—but for others, the weight of political turmoil can become overwhelming, leading to anxiety, despair, and even hopelessness. This is especially true for those in marginalized communities, including LGBTQ+ individuals, immigrants, disabled folks, and people of color, who often bear the brunt of policy changes and public debates that directly impact their rights and well-being.

At Star Meadow Counseling, we understand how political anxiety can take a toll on your mental health. Our therapists offer a compassionate, affirming space to process these emotions and find ways to move forward in alignment with your values. One evidence-based approach we use is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which provides tools for managing distress while fostering meaningful action.

 

 

Understanding Political Anxiety

Political anxiety can manifest in many ways, including:

  • Racing thoughts and worry about the future
  • Anger or frustration over injustices
  • Feelings of helplessness or despair
  • Burnout or exhaustion from activism or constant engagement with the news
  • Avoidance or numbing as a way to cope

These reactions are understandable. Many people feel like they have to choose between staying informed and protecting their mental health. The good news is that therapy can help you find balance.

 

 

How ACT Therapy Can Help

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers strategies to help people navigate political anxiety without becoming overwhelmed by it. Some key ACT principles we integrate into counseling include:

 

1. Accepting Your Emotions (Instead of Fighting Them)

It’s natural to feel anger, fear, grief, or exhaustion in response to political events. Rather than suppressing these feelings, ACT encourages you to acknowledge them without judgment. Through mindfulness and self-compassion, you can create space for these emotions without letting them control you.

 

2. Defusing from Overwhelming Thoughts

When political anxiety takes hold, it can feel like your thoughts are running the show. ACT teaches cognitive defusion techniques—such as naming thoughts (“I’m having the thought that…”) or visualizing them as leaves floating down a stream. These practices help create distance from distressing narratives so they don’t dictate your mood or actions.

 

3. Clarifying Your Values

Political anxiety often arises from deeply held values—justice, equality, community, safety. Rather than being paralyzed by fear, ACT helps you reconnect with what truly matters to you and find ways to live out those values in everyday life.

 

4. Taking Committed Action

You don’t have to do everything, but you can do something. Whether that’s setting healthy boundaries around news consumption, engaging in advocacy in ways that feel sustainable, or fostering connection with your community, ACT helps you take meaningful action that aligns with your values—without burning out.

 

 

A Space for Healing and Empowerment

At Star Meadow Counseling, we recognize that political anxiety is not just an individual struggle—it’s deeply connected to systemic issues that impact people’s lives. We hold space for the anger, grief, and exhaustion that come with living in uncertain times, especially for LGBTQ+ individuals, immigrants, and other marginalized groups who experience these stressors more acutely.

If you’re struggling with political anxiety, you don’t have to navigate it alone. We’re here to support you in finding balance, reclaiming your peace, and taking action in ways that feel right for you.

👉 If you’d like to work with a therapist who understands the intersection of mental health and social justice, contact us today.

 

 

 

 

Coping with Political Anxiety

Coping with Political Anxiety

by | Feb 4, 2025 | , ,

Coping with Political Anxiety: How Therapy Can Help In today’s world, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the constant stream of political news. For many, staying informed is essential—but for others, the weight of political turmoil can become overwhelming, leading to...

Climate Anxiety

Climate Anxiety

by | Sep 10, 2024 |

Hope, Action, and Climate Advocacy “I thought I couldn’t make a difference because I was too small.” -Greta Thunberg   We live in the age of information, which means it is increasingly difficult to limit one’s access to breaking news. More and more we are seeing...

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

Overcoming Perfectionism with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Overcoming Perfectionism with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

by | Anxiety, Self Acceptance, Self Worth, Self-Esteem

Perfectionism is often celebrated in our society, but for many, it can become an overwhelming burden. When perfectionism takes over, it can lead to constant self-criticism, avoidance of challenges, and a deep fear of failure. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers powerful tools to help people struggling with perfectionism find relief and regain balance. By focusing on mindfulness, acceptance, and value-driven action, ACT provides a path toward overcoming the rigid standards that keep perfectionism alive.

Understanding Perfectionism through an ACT Lens

ACT views perfectionism as a product of rigid thinking patterns and avoidance behaviors. These patterns often center around unhelpful thoughts like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I have to be flawless to be worthy.” In ACT, such thoughts are seen as part of human experience, not facts or truths that must dictate behavior. Instead of trying to eliminate these thoughts, ACT teaches clients to change their relationship with them, reducing their power and influence.

Two key ACT skills that are particularly useful for addressing perfectionism are cognitive defusion and emotion expansion (also known as acceptance). Let’s explore how these skills can help individuals break free from perfectionistic traps.

Cognitive Defusion: Unhooking from Perfectionistic Thoughts

Cognitive defusion involves creating distance between you and your thoughts so they don’t control your actions. Perfectionistic thoughts often show up as harsh self-judgments, catastrophic predictions, or rigid rules. For example:

  • “If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.”

  • “Everyone will judge me if I make a mistake.”

  • “I’ll never be good enough no matter how hard I try.”

Instead of getting caught up in these thoughts, cognitive defusion helps you observe them for what they are: just thoughts. Here are a few practical strategies for cognitive defusion:

  • Label your thoughts: When a perfectionistic thought arises, label it by saying, “I’m having the thought that I’ll fail,” instead of “I’ll fail.” This small shift reminds you that thoughts are not facts.

  • Thank your mind: When your inner critic speaks up, respond with humor and gratitude: “Thanks, mind, for trying to keep me safe, but I’ve got this.”

  • Imagine your thoughts as external objects: Picture your perfectionistic thoughts as leaves floating down a stream or words written in the sand. This visualization can help you let them come and go without getting stuck.

Cognitive defusion doesn’t aim to make the thoughts disappear but to reduce their power. With practice, you can learn to notice perfectionistic thoughts without letting them dictate your choices.

Emotion Expansion: Making Space for Discomfort

Perfectionism often stems from a desire to avoid uncomfortable emotions, such as anxiety, shame, or fear of failure. In ACT, emotion expansion involves accepting these emotions as part of the human experience rather than trying to suppress or escape them. By making space for discomfort, you can free yourself from the cycle of avoidance that perfectionism perpetuates.

Here’s how emotion expansion can help:

  • Name your emotions: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, pause and identify what you’re experiencing. For example: “This is anxiety,” or “I’m feeling shame right now.” Naming emotions can reduce their intensity and make them feel more manageable.

  • Breathe into the feeling: When discomfort arises, practice breathing deeply and imagining your breath flowing into the area of your body where you feel the emotion most strongly. This simple act can help you stay present with the sensation instead of resisting it.

  • Welcome emotions as visitors: Instead of viewing emotions as threats, try thinking of them as temporary visitors. Remind yourself: “This feeling won’t last forever.”

By expanding your capacity to sit with difficult emotions, you can take meaningful action even when perfectionistic fears are present.

Living a Value-Driven Life

At the heart of ACT is the concept of living a life aligned with your values. Perfectionism often leads people to prioritize external validation or unrealistic standards over what truly matters to them. By identifying and committing to your core values, you can shift your focus from “What will others think?” to “What do I want my life to stand for?”

Here’s how to start living a value-driven life:

  1. Identify your values: Reflect on what matters most to you. Is it creativity, connection, personal growth, or helping others? Write down the values that resonate with you.

  2. Set values-based goals: Instead of pursuing perfection, set goals that align with your values. For example, if connection is a value, focus on spending quality time with loved ones rather than striving to be the “perfect” friend or partner.

  3. Take committed action: Even when perfectionistic thoughts arise, practice taking small, values-aligned steps. For example, if fear of judgment is holding you back from sharing your work, remind yourself of your value of creativity and share it anyway.

Moving Beyond Perfectionism

Overcoming perfectionism is a journey, not a destination. With the tools of ACT, you can learn to unhook from unhelpful thoughts, embrace uncomfortable emotions, and live a life guided by your values rather than by fear. Perfectionism may still whisper in your ear, but it doesn’t have to steer your path. By practicing cognitive defusion, emotion expansion, and value-driven action, you can build a life that feels authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling.

If perfectionism is holding you back, consider reaching out to a therapist trained in ACT. With guidance and practice, you can break free from the grip of perfectionism and move toward a life of greater freedom and self-compassion.

Ready to take the first step? Contact our office today to schedule a consultation and explore how ACT can support you on your journey to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Coping with Political Anxiety

Coping with Political Anxiety

by | Feb 4, 2025 | , ,

Coping with Political Anxiety: How Therapy Can Help In today’s world, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the constant stream of political news. For many, staying informed is essential—but for others, the weight of political turmoil can become overwhelming, leading to...

Climate Anxiety

Climate Anxiety

by | Sep 10, 2024 |

Hope, Action, and Climate Advocacy “I thought I couldn’t make a difference because I was too small.” -Greta Thunberg   We live in the age of information, which means it is increasingly difficult to limit one’s access to breaking news. More and more we are seeing...

Introducing EMDR Intensives

Introducing EMDR Intensives

by | EMDR, PTSD, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Are you feeling weighed down by unresolved trauma? Do you wish there was a quicker way to find relief and start healing? We have exciting news! Star Meadow Counseling is now offering EMDR Intensives, a new and powerful way to process trauma. These extended therapy sessions can help you achieve deeper healing in less time.

 

What Are EMDR Intensive Services?

So, what exactly are EMDR Intensives? EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. In simple terms, it’s a therapy designed to help you process and resolve traumatic memories. Unlike regular therapy sessions that last around 50-60 minutes, our EMDR Intensives run for 2-6 hours. This gives us the time and space to dive deep and tackle those tough memories head-on.

 

Why Choose an EMDR Intensive Approach?

If you’ve been feeling stuck or like traditional therapy isn’t moving fast enough, EMDR Intensives might be just what you need. These sessions provide a concentrated and uninterrupted environment, allowing you to work through trauma more quickly. Imagine being able to address multiple traumatic memories in just one session. It’s like hitting the fast-forward button on your healing process.

 

Affordable Healing

We know that cost is a big concern when it comes to therapy. The good news is, the first hour of your EMDR Intensive is covered by insurance. After that, each additional hour is just $180.

 

Is an EMDR Intensive Right for You?

Wondering if EMDR Intensives are a good fit for you? If you’re dealing with unresolved trauma, complex trauma, or neglect trauma, and you’re looking for a faster path to recovery, this might be the perfect solution. Our EMDR intensive specialist, Heather Merrill, will be with you every step of the way, providing personalized and compassionate care.

 

Take the First Step Today

Ready to find out if EMDR Intensives are right for you? We offer a free 10-15 minute consultation call to discuss your needs and determine the best path forward. It’s a great way to get your questions answered and see if this approach feels right for you.

Don’t let trauma hold you back any longer. Reach out to us today and start your journey to healing with EMDR Intensives. Your path to a better, brighter future is just a call away.

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

Managing Depression alongside Chronic Illness

Managing Depression alongside Chronic Illness

by | Chronic Illness, Coping, Depression, Self Acceptance

If you’re reading this, chances are you or someone you care about is dealing with the challenges of chronic illness or disability, which can often trigger feelings of depression. Today, we’re going to dive into some strategies for navigating this journey with resilience.

1. Understanding Ableism

First things first, let’s address the elephant in the room: ableism. Abelism can be a significant barrier to navigating life with chronic illness and can exacerbate feelings of isolation and depression. Here are some examples of ableism faced by individuals with chronic illness:

  • Minimization: Others may downplay the severity or impact of a chronic illness, dismissing it as “not that bad” or “just a phase.” This minimization can invalidate the individual’s experiences and undermine their need for support and understanding.
  • Lack of Empathy: Some people may struggle to empathize with the daily challenges and limitations faced by individuals with chronic illness. They may fail to recognize the physical and emotional toll of living with a chronic condition, leading to a lack of support and understanding.
  • Comments to “Get Over It”: Individuals with chronic illness may encounter comments suggesting that they should simply “get over it” or “try harder” to overcome their symptoms. This attitude fails to acknowledge the complex nature of chronic illness and the impact it can have on a person’s life, perpetuating stigma and misunderstanding.
  • Inaccessibility: Public spaces, workplaces, and social events may lack accommodations for individuals with chronic illness, such as accessible seating, rest areas, or flexible work arrangements. This lack of accessibility can create additional barriers and challenges for individuals already navigating the complexities of their condition.
  • Stigmatizing Language: Negative stereotypes and stigmatizing language surrounding chronic illness can contribute to external ableism. Terms like “lazy,” “weak,” or “attention-seeking” may be used to describe individuals with chronic conditions, further marginalizing and isolating them.

Addressing external ableism involves advocacy and challenging stereotypes. To combat ableism effectively, we must champion inclusivity and understanding, educating others about diverse disabilities, and promoting empathy and accommodation for all individuals. Remember, your strength and resilience define you, not your limitations.

Keep in mind that abelism can become internalized. Internalized abelism occurs when individuals with chronic conditions come to believe the negative stereotypes and societal messages about their own worth and capabilities. Internally, individuals must confront and unlearn negative beliefs about themselves, fostering self-compassion, honoring their limits, and seeking support.

2. Cultivating Self-Compassion

Living with chronic illness or disability can sometimes feel like waging a constant battle against our own bodies, leading to profound feelings of depression. In these moments, practicing self-compassion becomes essential. Instead of berating ourselves for what we can’t do, let’s celebrate our victories, no matter how small they may seem.

One way to cultivate self-compassion is through mindfulness meditation. Take a few minutes each day to sit quietly, focusing on your breath and offering yourself words of kindness and understanding, especially when you’re feeling discouraged. Remember, you are doing the best you can with the cards you’ve been dealt. Self-compassion can also involve setting achievable goals that align with your current abilities and energy levels. Breaking tasks down into smaller, manageable steps and celebrating progress along the way, even if it’s slower than you’d like. Read more about this concept (often called “Spoon Theory”) here.

3. Prioritizing Self-Care

When dealing with chronic illness or disability, self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity, especially in managing depression. This means listening to your body and honoring its needs, whether that’s getting enough rest, eating nourishing foods, or engaging in activities that bring you joy.

Here are some practical steps to prioritize self-care:

  1. Create a daily self-care routine: Set aside dedicated time each day for activities that recharge your batteries, whether it’s taking a bubble bath, going for a walk in nature, or curling up with a good book. These activities can provide relief from the symptoms of depression.
  2. Reach out for support: Don’t be afraid to lean on friends, family, or support groups for help when you need it, especially when depression feels overwhelming. You are not alone in this journey, and there are people who care about you and want to see you thrive.
  3. Practice saying no: Learn to set boundaries and say no to things that drain your energy or don’t align with your priorities, especially when depression makes it difficult to muster the energy for extra tasks. Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when it comes to managing depression.

4. Embracing Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is about fully embracing reality as it is, rather than fighting against it, even in the face of a chrnoic illness that you did not choose. This doesn’t mean resigning ourselves to a life of suffering, but rather acknowledging the truth of our circumstances and choosing to respond with compassion and equanimity.

In the face of chronic illness or disability, radical acceptance can be a powerful tool for finding peace and contentment in the present moment, even amidst depression. Instead of dwelling on what we’ve lost or longing for a different reality, let’s focus on what we still have and cultivate gratitude for the blessings in our lives.

 

Navigating chronic illness and disability is no easy feat. By challenging ableism, practicing self-compassion, prioritizing self-care, and embracing radical acceptance, we can cultivate resilience and thrive in the midst of adversity.

If you find yourself struggling to manage depression or cope with the challenges of chronic illness or disability, remember that help is available. Don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule an appointment with a counselor on our team for professional counseling support tailored to your unique needs.

Coping with Political Anxiety

Coping with Political Anxiety

by | Feb 4, 2025 | , ,

Coping with Political Anxiety: How Therapy Can Help In today’s world, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the constant stream of political news. For many, staying informed is essential—but for others, the weight of political turmoil can become overwhelming, leading to...

Get Outside For Your Brain

Get Outside For Your Brain

by | May 10, 2024 | , ,

When I am among the trees, Especially the willows and the honey locust, Equally the beech, the oaks and the pines, They give off such hints of gladness I would almost say they save me, and daily. Excerpt, "When I Am Among The Trees" by Mary Oliver We live in a world...