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Healing from Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse: A Journey to Rediscovery and Resilience

Healing from Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse: A Journey to Rediscovery and Resilience

by | PTSD, Relationships, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Abuse, whether labeled as narcissistic or emotional, can leave deep, lasting scars on your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and overall mental well-being. Many people who have experienced this may feel lost, confused, and question their own reality. If you are reading this and wondering if you have gone through narcissistic or emotional abuse or are looking for help to heal from a harmful or unhealthy relationship. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and there is a path to finding healing and rediscovery.

 

What is Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse?

Narcissistic and emotional abuse are types of emotional manipulation that involve behaviors like gaslighting, where a person makes you doubt your own perceptions and reality. This kind of abuse can occur in any relationship, including those with parents, siblings, children, partners, and even friends. Over time, this can wear away your confidence and leave you feeling isolated and unsure of yourself. Some common signs of narcissistic or emotional abuse include, but are not limited to:

  • Gaslighting: Making you question your reality, memories, and perceptions.
  • Manipulation: Using guilt, shame, and fear to establish control.
  • Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, and support systems.
  • Blaming: Making you feel responsible for their problems or emotional state.
  • Constant Criticism and Devaluation: Belittling you and making you feel worthless.
  • Minimizing or Dismissing Your Feelings: Making light of your feelings, needs, or concerns.
  • Love Bombing and Withdrawal: Alternating between excessive praise and affection and sudden withdrawal or silent treatment.

 

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you’re wondering whether you’ve experienced narcissistic or emotional abuse, here are some questions to help you reflect:

  1. Do you often feel confused about your relationship and question your own reality?
  2. Have you felt isolated from friends and family since being with this person?
  3. Does this person frequently criticize or belittle you, making you feel worthless?
  4. Do you find yourself doubting your own memories and perceptions because this person tells you they are wrong?
  5. Do you experience extreme highs and lows in your relationship, with periods of intense affection followed by sudden withdrawal?
  6. Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting this person?
  7. Have you become dependent on this person’s approval and validation?

Recognizing these experiences is a helpful step towards healing. Remember, the label does not matter as much as acknowledging your experiences and their impact on your well-being.

 

The Impact of Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse

These effects can be profound and long-lasting. You may feel is if you are a shell of your former self, struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of worthlessness. You might also find yourself questioning your own judgment or trust in yourself, feeling like you can never do anything right, and fearing that you are somehow to blame for what you endured.

 

The Journey to Healing

The path towards healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse is truly a journey, and it begins with acknowledging how you are feeling and honoring that you are deserving of love, care, kindness, and support. Here are some ways you can begin your healing process:

  1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience: A key step to healing is recognizing and acknowledging the abuse. Validate your experiences and understand that the abuse was not your fault. You are deserving of love, respect, and kindness.
  2. Seek a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people. This can include friends, family, support groups, and a therapist who focuses in narcissistic and emotional abuse recovery.
  3. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem: These experiences can often leave you feeling worthless and unworthy of love. Work on rebuilding your self-esteem by engaging in parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion.
  4. Reauthor Negative Beliefs: From these relationships you may have developed strong negative beliefs about yourself in your mind. Challenge these harmful beliefs and create ways to reauthor your story with empowering and compassionate beliefs about yourself.
  5. Establish and Build Your Personal Identity: Reconnect with who you are outside of this relationship. Discover your authenticity, passions, interests, and strengths. Build on this personal identity to create a stronger sense of self.
  6. Therapy: Working with a therapist who understands narcissistic and emotional abuse can be beneficial. Therapy provides a safe space to process your experiences, develop coping strategies, and work towards building strength and resilience. A significant part of healing involves understanding the inner layers of your experiences and how they have affected you.

 

If you are finding yourself more curious about whether you have been in or are currently in an emotionally and/or narcissistic abusive relationship, here are more resources to help:

 

  • Recommended book about identifying and healing from narcissistic abuse by Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710202/its-not-you-by-ramani-durvasula-phd/
  • Recommended YouTube Channel filled with educational videos surrounding emotional and narcissistic abuse provided by clinical psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, PhD who has extensive years of research and clinical experience with narcissistic abuse: https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline websiteis the official site of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, providing resources, support, and information for individuals experiencing domestic violence and emotional abuse. The site offers 24/7 confidential assistance through phone, online chat, and text services, helping users understand abuse, create safety plans, and connect with local resources.

Emergency Support Resources:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text TELLNOW to 85944
  • Clark County YWCA SafeChoice Hotline – 360-695-0501 or 1-800-695-0167

 

If you are seeking guidance in the areas of narcissistic or emotional abuse recovery, Ellen Bass, LMHCA, offers a compassionate and safe environment to explore these challenges and dedicated to helping you navigate your path to healing. Contact us to schedule an appointment!

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

The Power of Community in Trauma Survivorship

The Power of Community in Trauma Survivorship

by | Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Consistent across human history has been the importance of community. Safety in numbers against a predator, the sharing of resources, or simply holding space for one another are all integral to our survival. Yet, largely, our individualistic culture places emphasis on autonomy and independence. Self-care is a term used often within the context of therapy and trauma healing – and self-care is a necessary step – but often we are encouraged to lean into individual healing practices when what we need is to be reminded that we belong in the world around us.
 
 
Oftentimes we walk away from a traumatic experience with more barriers to accessing ourselves than ever before. We learn to mistrust ourselves and/or those around us; shame and guilt become the forefront of our self-talk; our emotions feel too dangerous to foray into. It is confusing to be told to access self for care when, commonly, self is difficult to find internally. Research tells us that connection to others leads to positive outcomes for trauma survivors (Goodman, Dutton, Vankos, & Weinfurt, 2005), and it tells us that even brief interactions with the world around (waving hello, for example) us are reliable mood-boosters (Santos, 2023).
 
So what does community care look like, and how can we engage in this type of inter-dependence on one another?
 

Community care at the micro level:

  1. Saying hello to a neighbor
  2. Meal prepping/cooking with a loved one
  3. Texting a friend
  4. Carpooling with a friend or colleague
  5. Checking in with your loved ones

 

 

 

Community care at the macro level:

  1. Participating in a community garden
  2. Community clothing swaps
  3. Group therapy spaces for processing and healing
  4. Volunteering for a cause you care about
  5. Community book clubs
  6. Participating in social activism
A reminder, too, that community care works when you receive care alongside providing it. Trauma recovery makes it difficult to remember that you, as much as your neighbor, are part of this community. Not every type of community care will be a fit for you, and that’s okay. Wherever you land, you are not alone. Healing takes place in the company of those who see and are seen by you.
Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

From Pain to Power: The Narrative Trauma Therapy Experience

From Pain to Power: The Narrative Trauma Therapy Experience

by | PTSD, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

In the journey of healing from trauma, the power of storytelling is often underestimated. Yet, within the realm of mental health counseling, narrative trauma therapy stands as a profound method for fostering healing and resilience. By harnessing the narrative of one’s experiences, this therapeutic approach offers a pathway towards understanding, processing, and ultimately transforming trauma’s impact on one’s life.

 

Understanding Narrative Trauma Therapy

At its core, narrative trauma therapy is rooted in the belief that our experiences are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Trauma, whether stemming from childhood adversities, abuse, or other distressing events, can often disrupt these narratives, leaving individuals feeling fragmented, powerless, and stuck in a cycle of pain.

Through narrative trauma therapy, clients are invited to explore their past experiences within a safe and supportive environment. Guided by a trained therapist, clients embark on a journey of self-discovery, gradually unraveling the threads of their personal narratives. By revisiting and reshaping these narratives, individuals can reclaim agency over their stories, ultimately fostering healing and empowerment.

 

What to Expect in Narrative Trauma Therapy

During narrative trauma therapy sessions, clients can expect a collaborative and client-centered approach. Therapists work alongside clients, providing compassionate guidance and support as they navigate their unique healing journey.

  1. Exploration of Personal Narratives: Clients are encouraged to explore and articulate their experiences, emotions, and beliefs within the context of their personal narratives. Through techniques such as storytelling, journaling, and guided reflection, individuals gain insight into the ways trauma has impacted their lives.
  2. Identification of Negative Thought Patterns: Within the narrative therapy framework, emphasis is placed on recognizing and challenging negative thought patterns perpetuated by trauma. By identifying and reframing these beliefs, clients can cultivate a more compassionate and empowering self-narrative.
  3. Integration and Meaning-Making: Through the process of storytelling and reflection, clients begin to integrate their experiences into a coherent narrative framework. This process facilitates meaning-making and enables individuals to construct new narratives that honor their resilience and strength.
  4. Skill-Building and Coping Strategies: Narrative trauma therapy equips clients with practical coping strategies and resilience-building techniques to navigate future challenges. By fostering a sense of agency and self-efficacy, individuals develop the skills necessary to cope with adversity and cultivate a sense of empowerment.

 

Who Can Benefit from Narrative Trauma Therapy?

Narrative trauma therapy is a versatile approach that can benefit individuals grappling with various forms of trauma, including:

  • Childhood Trauma Survivors: Adults who experienced adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction, can find healing through narrative trauma therapy.
  • Survivors of Abuse or Assault: Those who have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, as well as survivors of assault or violence, can benefit from exploring and reframing their narratives.
  • Individuals with PTSD: Narrative trauma therapy can be particularly beneficial for individuals diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), offering a holistic approach to healing and recovery.

 

Changing Negative Thought Patterns

Narrative trauma therapy serves as a powerful tool for challenging and transforming negative thought patterns perpetuated by trauma. Here are some examples of negative thoughts that narrative trauma therapy can help change:

  1. “I’m to blame for what happened.”: Many trauma survivors grapple with feelings of guilt and self-blame. Narrative therapy helps individuals reframe these beliefs, recognizing that responsibility lies with the perpetrator, not the victim.
  2. “I’ll never be able to trust anyone again.”: Trauma can erode trust in others and the world at large. Through narrative therapy, individuals can explore their beliefs about trust, challenge distorted perceptions, and cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.
  3. “I’m broken beyond repair.”: Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are common among trauma survivors. Narrative trauma therapy emphasizes resilience and strength, helping individuals recognize their inherent worth and capacity for healing.

 

In conclusion, narrative trauma therapy offers a transformative approach to healing from trauma by harnessing the power of storytelling. Through exploration, reflection, and reframing, individuals can reclaim agency over their narratives, fostering resilience and empowerment in the face of adversity.

If you’re looking for a narrative therapy specialist, Nhu An Lam, LMHC and Ellen Bass, LMHCA are available to help! Contact us to schedule an appointment today.

 

Sources:

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support as a Male Sexual Abuse Survivor

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support as a Male Sexual Abuse Survivor

by | PTSD, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma

On an almost daily basis we hear stories of female sexual harassment and abuse in the media. Sadly, male sexual abuse is fairly common, but the issue is under-reported by the media and society in general.

One US-based study found that 1 in 6 boys experience some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18. Other research suggests the ratio may be as high as 1 in 4.

Why is this conduct not reported more often?

To start, most men are embarrassed to be the victim of sexual abuse, particularly when it is perpetrated by other men. In our culture, men are supposed to be invulnerable and not feel emotional pain. In other words, guys are supposed to be the strong, silent type. It simply goes against the silent rules of being a man to acknowledge trauma and admit that you are suffering.

As a result, male victims of sexual abuse shove their feelings down and deny what happened. This repression of experience and emotion can and often does lead to isolation, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), major depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are also common among victims of male sexual abuse.

It’s important to get help.

If you are the victim of sexual abuse, understand that you are far from alone. As the topic becomes more mainstream, there is less judgement by those who don’t understand how a man could be victimized in such a way. Education regarding male sexual abuse and demystifying misconceptions surrounding rape is essential to help male survivors heal and speak out.

While more needs to be done to bring this subject to mass awareness, it’s important that individual victims seek support. A therapist will be able to help you deal with your complex emotions and offer strategies to move through and past feelings of depression and anxiety. In time, healing can and does occur.

We have trauma counseling specialists available.

If you or someone you know is a male victim of sexual abuse and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch. A counselor from our team would be more than happy to help. We have two counselors available with an EMDR specialty and one who is a certified IATP Clinical Trauma Professional.

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

Introducing EMDR Intensives

Introducing EMDR Intensives

Are you feeling weighed down by unresolved trauma? Do you wish there was a quicker way to find relief and start healing? We have exciting news! Star Meadow Counseling is now offering EMDR Intensives, a new and powerful way to process trauma. These extended therapy...