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Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | PTSD, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Safety in Vulnerability in trauma processing

Strengthening Coping Strategies

Widening the Window of Tolerance

The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground, develop coping skills, notice the present moment, etc., they are helping you widen what we call the ‘Window of Tolerance.’ Maximum therapeutic benefit in an appointment with your counselor (or in coping outside session) happens when you are able to maintain awareness of the both/and of pain and safety.

Practical Applications

Everyday Examples of Staying Within the Window

Remaining inside your window of tolerance doesn’t mean you don’t experience emotions. It means we minimize the distress that occurs when a painful emotion is present. Essentially, existing within that window means you can experience sadness, fear, or anger without triggering a survival (fight/flight/freeze) response. If you have ever become frustrated with a distracted driver while maintaining your ability to focus on the road, become upset with a partner and took space away to process emotions before resolving conflict, or made a mistake on a project and were able to reframe negative thoughts about yourself – You have remained within your window.

Reflections on Progress

Becoming a Harbor of Safety

Progress in therapy does not mean something isn’t sad or scary over time. It means you become your own harbor of safety and remain compassionate and present with yourself as you heal. Safety is not always necessarily the absence of danger; safety is your ability to connect with yourself, your support system, or your coping skills when danger is present. 

 

 

Window of Tolerance Trauma therapy

The Balance of Safety and Vulnerability in Therapy

In therapy, especially for those with trauma histories, safety is a delicate balance between feeling secure in the present moment and being open to vulnerability. This balance is crucial for healing and growth.

Expanding the Window of Tolerance

When your therapist helps you ground yourself, develop coping skills, and stay present, they are helping you expand your Window of Tolerance. This allows you to experience emotions without triggering a survival response, enabling you to process and heal more effectively.

Developing Coping and Grounding Skills

Developing coping and grounding skills is essential for managing painful emotions. Although it can be frustrating to build these skills, they are vital for maintaining a sense of safety and stability during therapy.

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

Introducing EMDR Intensives

Introducing EMDR Intensives

by | EMDR, PTSD, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Are you feeling weighed down by unresolved trauma? Do you wish there was a quicker way to find relief and start healing? We have exciting news! Star Meadow Counseling is now offering EMDR Intensives, a new and powerful way to process trauma. These extended therapy sessions can help you achieve deeper healing in less time.

 

What Are EMDR Intensive Services?

So, what exactly are EMDR Intensives? EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. In simple terms, it’s a therapy designed to help you process and resolve traumatic memories. Unlike regular therapy sessions that last around 50-60 minutes, our EMDR Intensives run for 2-6 hours. This gives us the time and space to dive deep and tackle those tough memories head-on.

 

Why Choose an EMDR Intensive Approach?

If you’ve been feeling stuck or like traditional therapy isn’t moving fast enough, EMDR Intensives might be just what you need. These sessions provide a concentrated and uninterrupted environment, allowing you to work through trauma more quickly. Imagine being able to address multiple traumatic memories in just one session. It’s like hitting the fast-forward button on your healing process.

 

Affordable Healing

We know that cost is a big concern when it comes to therapy. The good news is, the first hour of your EMDR Intensive is covered by insurance. After that, each additional hour is just $180.

 

Is an EMDR Intensive Right for You?

Wondering if EMDR Intensives are a good fit for you? If you’re dealing with unresolved trauma, complex trauma, or neglect trauma, and you’re looking for a faster path to recovery, this might be the perfect solution. Our EMDR intensive specialist, Heather Merrill, will be with you every step of the way, providing personalized and compassionate care.

 

Take the First Step Today

Ready to find out if EMDR Intensives are right for you? We offer a free 10-15 minute consultation call to discuss your needs and determine the best path forward. It’s a great way to get your questions answered and see if this approach feels right for you.

Don’t let trauma hold you back any longer. Reach out to us today and start your journey to healing with EMDR Intensives. Your path to a better, brighter future is just a call away.

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

Healing from Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse: A Journey to Rediscovery and Resilience

Healing from Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse: A Journey to Rediscovery and Resilience

by | PTSD, Relationships, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Abuse, whether labeled as narcissistic or emotional, can leave deep, lasting scars on your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and overall mental well-being. Many people who have experienced this may feel lost, confused, and question their own reality. If you are reading this and wondering if you have gone through narcissistic or emotional abuse or are looking for help to heal from a harmful or unhealthy relationship. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and there is a path to finding healing and rediscovery.

 

What is Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse?

Narcissistic and emotional abuse are types of emotional manipulation that involve behaviors like gaslighting, where a person makes you doubt your own perceptions and reality. This kind of abuse can occur in any relationship, including those with parents, siblings, children, partners, and even friends. Over time, this can wear away your confidence and leave you feeling isolated and unsure of yourself. Some common signs of narcissistic or emotional abuse include, but are not limited to:

  • Gaslighting: Making you question your reality, memories, and perceptions.
  • Manipulation: Using guilt, shame, and fear to establish control.
  • Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, and support systems.
  • Blaming: Making you feel responsible for their problems or emotional state.
  • Constant Criticism and Devaluation: Belittling you and making you feel worthless.
  • Minimizing or Dismissing Your Feelings: Making light of your feelings, needs, or concerns.
  • Love Bombing and Withdrawal: Alternating between excessive praise and affection and sudden withdrawal or silent treatment.

 

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you’re wondering whether you’ve experienced narcissistic or emotional abuse, here are some questions to help you reflect:

  1. Do you often feel confused about your relationship and question your own reality?
  2. Have you felt isolated from friends and family since being with this person?
  3. Does this person frequently criticize or belittle you, making you feel worthless?
  4. Do you find yourself doubting your own memories and perceptions because this person tells you they are wrong?
  5. Do you experience extreme highs and lows in your relationship, with periods of intense affection followed by sudden withdrawal?
  6. Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting this person?
  7. Have you become dependent on this person’s approval and validation?

Recognizing these experiences is a helpful step towards healing. Remember, the label does not matter as much as acknowledging your experiences and their impact on your well-being.

 

The Impact of Narcissistic or Emotional Abuse

These effects can be profound and long-lasting. You may feel is if you are a shell of your former self, struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of worthlessness. You might also find yourself questioning your own judgment or trust in yourself, feeling like you can never do anything right, and fearing that you are somehow to blame for what you endured.

 

The Journey to Healing

The path towards healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse is truly a journey, and it begins with acknowledging how you are feeling and honoring that you are deserving of love, care, kindness, and support. Here are some ways you can begin your healing process:

  1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience: A key step to healing is recognizing and acknowledging the abuse. Validate your experiences and understand that the abuse was not your fault. You are deserving of love, respect, and kindness.
  2. Seek a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people. This can include friends, family, support groups, and a therapist who focuses in narcissistic and emotional abuse recovery.
  3. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem: These experiences can often leave you feeling worthless and unworthy of love. Work on rebuilding your self-esteem by engaging in parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion.
  4. Reauthor Negative Beliefs: From these relationships you may have developed strong negative beliefs about yourself in your mind. Challenge these harmful beliefs and create ways to reauthor your story with empowering and compassionate beliefs about yourself.
  5. Establish and Build Your Personal Identity: Reconnect with who you are outside of this relationship. Discover your authenticity, passions, interests, and strengths. Build on this personal identity to create a stronger sense of self.
  6. Therapy: Working with a therapist who understands narcissistic and emotional abuse can be beneficial. Therapy provides a safe space to process your experiences, develop coping strategies, and work towards building strength and resilience. A significant part of healing involves understanding the inner layers of your experiences and how they have affected you.

 

If you are finding yourself more curious about whether you have been in or are currently in an emotionally and/or narcissistic abusive relationship, here are more resources to help:

 

  • Recommended book about identifying and healing from narcissistic abuse by Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710202/its-not-you-by-ramani-durvasula-phd/
  • Recommended YouTube Channel filled with educational videos surrounding emotional and narcissistic abuse provided by clinical psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, PhD who has extensive years of research and clinical experience with narcissistic abuse: https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline websiteis the official site of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, providing resources, support, and information for individuals experiencing domestic violence and emotional abuse. The site offers 24/7 confidential assistance through phone, online chat, and text services, helping users understand abuse, create safety plans, and connect with local resources.

Emergency Support Resources:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text TELLNOW to 85944
  • Clark County YWCA SafeChoice Hotline – 360-695-0501 or 1-800-695-0167

 

If you are seeking guidance in the areas of narcissistic or emotional abuse recovery, Ellen Bass, LMHCA, offers a compassionate and safe environment to explore these challenges and dedicated to helping you navigate your path to healing. Contact us to schedule an appointment!

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

The Power of Community in Trauma Survivorship

The Power of Community in Trauma Survivorship

by | Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

Consistent across human history has been the importance of community. Safety in numbers against a predator, the sharing of resources, or simply holding space for one another are all integral to our survival. Yet, largely, our individualistic culture places emphasis on autonomy and independence. Self-care is a term used often within the context of therapy and trauma healing – and self-care is a necessary step – but often we are encouraged to lean into individual healing practices when what we need is to be reminded that we belong in the world around us.
 
 
Oftentimes we walk away from a traumatic experience with more barriers to accessing ourselves than ever before. We learn to mistrust ourselves and/or those around us; shame and guilt become the forefront of our self-talk; our emotions feel too dangerous to foray into. It is confusing to be told to access self for care when, commonly, self is difficult to find internally. Research tells us that connection to others leads to positive outcomes for trauma survivors (Goodman, Dutton, Vankos, & Weinfurt, 2005), and it tells us that even brief interactions with the world around (waving hello, for example) us are reliable mood-boosters (Santos, 2023).
 
So what does community care look like, and how can we engage in this type of inter-dependence on one another?
 

Community care at the micro level:

  1. Saying hello to a neighbor
  2. Meal prepping/cooking with a loved one
  3. Texting a friend
  4. Carpooling with a friend or colleague
  5. Checking in with your loved ones

 

 

 

Community care at the macro level:

  1. Participating in a community garden
  2. Community clothing swaps
  3. Group therapy spaces for processing and healing
  4. Volunteering for a cause you care about
  5. Community book clubs
  6. Participating in social activism
A reminder, too, that community care works when you receive care alongside providing it. Trauma recovery makes it difficult to remember that you, as much as your neighbor, are part of this community. Not every type of community care will be a fit for you, and that’s okay. Wherever you land, you are not alone. Healing takes place in the company of those who see and are seen by you.
Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

From Pain to Power: The Narrative Trauma Therapy Experience

From Pain to Power: The Narrative Trauma Therapy Experience

by | PTSD, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma, Trauma / PTSD

In the journey of healing from trauma, the power of storytelling is often underestimated. Yet, within the realm of mental health counseling, narrative trauma therapy stands as a profound method for fostering healing and resilience. By harnessing the narrative of one’s experiences, this therapeutic approach offers a pathway towards understanding, processing, and ultimately transforming trauma’s impact on one’s life.

 

Understanding Narrative Trauma Therapy

At its core, narrative trauma therapy is rooted in the belief that our experiences are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Trauma, whether stemming from childhood adversities, abuse, or other distressing events, can often disrupt these narratives, leaving individuals feeling fragmented, powerless, and stuck in a cycle of pain.

Through narrative trauma therapy, clients are invited to explore their past experiences within a safe and supportive environment. Guided by a trained therapist, clients embark on a journey of self-discovery, gradually unraveling the threads of their personal narratives. By revisiting and reshaping these narratives, individuals can reclaim agency over their stories, ultimately fostering healing and empowerment.

 

What to Expect in Narrative Trauma Therapy

During narrative trauma therapy sessions, clients can expect a collaborative and client-centered approach. Therapists work alongside clients, providing compassionate guidance and support as they navigate their unique healing journey.

  1. Exploration of Personal Narratives: Clients are encouraged to explore and articulate their experiences, emotions, and beliefs within the context of their personal narratives. Through techniques such as storytelling, journaling, and guided reflection, individuals gain insight into the ways trauma has impacted their lives.
  2. Identification of Negative Thought Patterns: Within the narrative therapy framework, emphasis is placed on recognizing and challenging negative thought patterns perpetuated by trauma. By identifying and reframing these beliefs, clients can cultivate a more compassionate and empowering self-narrative.
  3. Integration and Meaning-Making: Through the process of storytelling and reflection, clients begin to integrate their experiences into a coherent narrative framework. This process facilitates meaning-making and enables individuals to construct new narratives that honor their resilience and strength.
  4. Skill-Building and Coping Strategies: Narrative trauma therapy equips clients with practical coping strategies and resilience-building techniques to navigate future challenges. By fostering a sense of agency and self-efficacy, individuals develop the skills necessary to cope with adversity and cultivate a sense of empowerment.

 

Who Can Benefit from Narrative Trauma Therapy?

Narrative trauma therapy is a versatile approach that can benefit individuals grappling with various forms of trauma, including:

  • Childhood Trauma Survivors: Adults who experienced adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction, can find healing through narrative trauma therapy.
  • Survivors of Abuse or Assault: Those who have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, as well as survivors of assault or violence, can benefit from exploring and reframing their narratives.
  • Individuals with PTSD: Narrative trauma therapy can be particularly beneficial for individuals diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), offering a holistic approach to healing and recovery.

 

Changing Negative Thought Patterns

Narrative trauma therapy serves as a powerful tool for challenging and transforming negative thought patterns perpetuated by trauma. Here are some examples of negative thoughts that narrative trauma therapy can help change:

  1. “I’m to blame for what happened.”: Many trauma survivors grapple with feelings of guilt and self-blame. Narrative therapy helps individuals reframe these beliefs, recognizing that responsibility lies with the perpetrator, not the victim.
  2. “I’ll never be able to trust anyone again.”: Trauma can erode trust in others and the world at large. Through narrative therapy, individuals can explore their beliefs about trust, challenge distorted perceptions, and cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.
  3. “I’m broken beyond repair.”: Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are common among trauma survivors. Narrative trauma therapy emphasizes resilience and strength, helping individuals recognize their inherent worth and capacity for healing.

 

In conclusion, narrative trauma therapy offers a transformative approach to healing from trauma by harnessing the power of storytelling. Through exploration, reflection, and reframing, individuals can reclaim agency over their narratives, fostering resilience and empowerment in the face of adversity.

If you’re looking for a narrative therapy specialist, Nhu An Lam, LMHC and Ellen Bass, LMHCA are available to help! Contact us to schedule an appointment today.

 

Sources:

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...

A Guide For Talking to Children About Remote Violence

A Guide For Talking to Children About Remote Violence

by | Parenting, Trauma

Children today are confronted with a baseline awareness of violence higher than most adults can imagine. “Remote violence” refers to exposure to highly violent images and stories, without experiencing the violence first-hand. In essence, this is the increasing awareness children hold that something could happen to them, even if it hasn’t yet. With monthly mass shooting drills in schools, awareness of police brutality against individuals and at peaceful demonstrations, and constant media coverage of physical and emotional violence, it’s nearly impossible for this to not reach a child in some way. It’s crucial that we find ways to talk about it to help them process, ask questions, and reaffirm our commitment to keeping them safe. There is no one right way to have this conversation, but keeping these three tenants in mind can help you create a framework to apply to the situation at hand. I’ve kept this purposefully simplistic; as much as I wish there were a script I could hand you, each conversation, each event, will demand a different response. It’s better to have a conversation, even if it doesn’t feel perfect to you so release the expectation that you’ll know exactly what to say, and focus your efforts on maintaining just these three principles:

 

  • Be developmentally appropriate
  • Be honest
  • Be regulated

 

Be developmentally appropriate: 

 

How you talk about events like this will vary widely based on the age and development of your child. A 3-year-old may not need to be told anything, whereas an 8-year-old will likely require a conversation.  Try to match the child’s level as closely as possible, and be prepared that they may have witnessed content or conversations what were not developmentally appropriate (overhearing adult conversations, hearing teachers at school, catching a news segment on the bus or seeing a newspaper on the street). Younger children may ask questions in an attempt to understand something outside their normal experience, while older children and teens may not need information or answers to questions as much as reminders of security and support. 

 

Be honest

 

You don’t need to have all the answers are tie things up perfectly, it’s an unrealistic goal that will leave you feeling like you’ve failed despite doing the best you can. In many ways, telling your child you don’t know something (when you truly don’t) helps them trust what you’re saying and offers an opportunity to seek that information together or process the uneasiness that comes with not knowing. Except in very young children, try to resist the urge to promise safety at all times, or to lie and come up with a reason why scary things won’t ever be part of their experience. Oftentimes children are aware that an adult can’t ensure this, and they’ll wonder what else you aren’t telling them. Instead, focus on the aspects of safety they do have- in you and other trusted adults, in the protocols and procedures of their school and other environments, community resiliency, training of those in positions of protection, etc. Kids need our honesty, but again, a developmentally appropriate version of that honesty. 

 

Be regulated

 

Out of the three, this is easily the most important. It can be incredibly difficult to manage your own distress while being present for your child. If you feel you aren’t in a place of emotional regulation, wait to have this discussion until you can. For younger children, seeing their parent highly distressed is confusing and scary. For older children, it can put them in a state of overwhelm or lead to a feeling of responsibility to care for their adult’s emotions. Neither of these options offer space to process their own emotions. When we talk about emotional regulation, we don’t mean you need to pretend everything is fine (they’d see through the inauthenticity in that fairly quickly!) This only means that you’re in a place to hold space for the child’s emotions, even when they get heavy. Letting them know you feel the gravity of what’s happened is good, letting that take precedence when they need you for support is what we try to avoid. It’s even ok to engage your child in the coping strategies you use to get to that place of regulation, it will help you be most present for them, and model healthy coping strategies they can use when they were overwhelmed. 

 


If you take one thing from reading this, please know that the specific words you choose in these conversations are significantly less important than how you show up in the conversation.  Remember, your goal in these conversations is not to take their fear and pain completely away, only to guide them through it in a way that helps them feel as safe and secure as possible as they navigate a world that can be both scary and beautiful. 

 

 

 

Window of Tolerance 101

Window of Tolerance 101

by | Aug 15, 2024 | , ,

Strengthening Coping Strategies Widening the Window of Tolerance The more adept we become at coping with distress, the more we strengthen our ability to experience the here-and-now sense of safety in therapy as we face our pain. When your therapist helps you ground,...