Contamination Fears In a Contaminated World: What’s Appropriate And What’s Compulsive?

Contamination Fears In a Contaminated World: What’s Appropriate And What’s Compulsive?

by | Aug 1, 2022 | Anxiety, Obsession

Covid, Measles outbreaks, Mokeypox- it can feel overwhelming to manage the constant barrage of new threats. For most people, a significant behavioral change is needed to ensure safety, but for people with OCD or health anxiety, where do you draw the line? What are appropriate safety precautions, and what are compulsive safety-seeking or attempts to manage anxiety? Years ago, it would have been seen as obviously excessive for most people to wear a mask in public spaces, sanitize everything before bringing it into your home, and refuse people in your home, but now that may be exactly what’s needed to remain safe. An added component to this difficulty are the differences in how folks view these threats, complicating factors like having young children or being immunocompromised, and individual tolerance for risk. What might be excessive for one person may be necessary for another.  

 

There is no one right answer to what is an “appropriate” level of safety precaution, again because each person will have a different set of circumstances to consider. The simplest way to explore if your safety precautions are appropriate, or potentially causing you more anxiety/distress, can be boiled down to three questions: 

 

Is this in line with expert recommendations?

The more obvious way to assess your safety precautions is to find experts whose opinions and recommendations you trust. This could be medical doctors, scientists, government agencies, or ideally, a combination of several so you can ensure your information is reliable. For example, both the CDC and the Mayo Clinic advise washing your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds or, if that is not available, using hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol content. With this in mind, some folks may prefer to go a little beyond these recommendations, but it gives a good barometer for what is considered adequate for safety. 

 

Is this safety precaution causing you harm in an effort to keep you safe? 

This is truly the most important assessment. If washing your hands for 60 seconds feels more comfortable, there’s likely little harm and it could be appropriate to continue. However, if you begin using scalding water, harmful chemicals like bleach, or begin to experience peeling, cracking, or bleeding, it warrants an assessment of whether the safety precaution is appropriate. 

 

Is this causing me to be unable to engage in necessary or preferred activities?

This is a slightly more challenging assessment because nearly everyone has experienced a decrease in their ability to engage in preferred tasks, or are having to engage in them in different ways than we used to. You might have to say no to a large gathering, or only meet with friends outside and masked when you would prefer not to. If you find yourself isolating, or feeling unable to engage in activities even when risk could be mitigated, it might warrant a closer look. Another major component to this question is how much time is being spent on the safety precaution. For example, there’s a major difference between a quick wipe-down on the groceries, and a 5 hour sanitizing deep clean. If you find yourself spending considerable time on safety precautions that you would normally spend on leisure activities, it may be worth exploring. 

 

If you are noticing that your attempts to maintain safety are starting to become detrimental in other ways, please reach out, a trained therapist can help you find a balance between safety and anxiety that opens the door to joy and hope. 

 

For more information, go to https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-contamination/ 

 

 

5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

by | Jun 2, 2019 | ,

The hard work and unpredictability that makes parenting so rewarding can also cause a great deal of anxiety. Here are some simple ways to bring yourself to a place of calm.   Make a To-Do List Ruminating on worries can cause lots of stress. Clear your mind by...

10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

by | Mar 11, 2019 | , , , ,

According to statistics from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, each year about 1 out of every 5 Americans adults suffer from one form of mental illness or the other. Mathematically, that works out to 48.3 million of the total American adult population, and with...

Anxiety: Your Friend?

Anxiety: Your Friend?

by | Dec 11, 2018 | ,

Anxiety and panic attacks are uncomfortable. Sometimes anxiety is so physically uncomfortable that people experience heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, dizziness, difficulty breathing, or faintness. Sometimes anxiety symptoms worry someone so much that they call...

5 Benefits of Mindfulness

5 Benefits of Mindfulness

by | Oct 25, 2018 | , ,

There are a lot of terms floating around the online world out there and it can be difficult to determine which ones to trust as the real deal and which ones are simply trigger words or click bait.  One of the up-and-coming ones is mindfulness.  As more and more...

Workaholism: The Hidden Epidemic

Workaholism: The Hidden Epidemic

by | Sep 24, 2018 |

— WORKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS MEMBER Workaholism is described by some as the “respectable addiction,” though its affects can be destructive and even deadly to those who are compulsively addicted to work.   How can you tell if you are a workaholic? How do we distinguish...

How to Ruminate Purposefully

How to Ruminate Purposefully

by | Aug 22, 2018 | , , ,

Do your thoughts ever end up stuck in the past, replaying a conversation or event in your head? Susan Nolen-Hoeksema from Yale University describes ruminating as “a mode of responding to distress that involves repetitively and passively focusing on symptoms of...

10 Places to Relax around Vancouver, WA

10 Places to Relax around Vancouver, WA

by | Apr 3, 2018 | ,

Are you exhausted by the burden of responsibilities you’ve been shouldering? Do you need a break or a breather, even if it’s just for a few moments? Self-care is an essential component of survival in this busy world! All of us need moments when we can slow down and...

Things You Might Feel Shame For, That Are Actually Very Common!

Things You Might Feel Shame For, That Are Actually Very Common!

by | Jul 18, 2022 | General, Self Acceptance, Self Worth, Self-Esteem

As therapists, we hear from people in all walks of life. Every client is different and comes to therapy with varied experiences, but one thing remains true; most people hold shame for things they don’t need to. When we feel shame, our brains will often make us think that we’re the only one who could think or feel this way, or that only terrible people would be. Aside from being a horrifically uncomfortable emotion, intense shame is detrimental to our overall mental health, relationships, and long-term self-esteem. 

 

While this is nowhere near a comprehensive list, below is a list of things I often hear in therapy, that are entirely normal. If you’ve ever had these thoughts, you are far from alone!

 

“When ____ died, I felt relieved”

 

What shame tells you this means: I must be a terrible person to feel a positive emotion after a death. Did I wish this upon them? 

 

What it actually means: You’re a human capable of compassion fatigue, empathy for an end to suffering, potential safety benefits to yourself or others, awareness of resource strain, etc. Grief is always complex and there are typically many conflicting emotions that can include relief. 

 

“I lied/cheated/stole in my past”

What shame tells you this means: “I am a liar, cheater, criminal.”

 

What it actually means: Many people hold shame for very minor mistakes or choices from their past. Barring violent or aggressive actions, most of the time there is a reason for these choices, that once understood, lets in compassion instead of shame. 

 

 

“I _____ to cope”

 

What shame thinks this means: I can’t deal with the stress of my life. 

 

What it actually means: Substances, “nervous habits”, and impulse spending are just some of the behaviors people often feel significant shame for engaging in when they are feeling difficult emotions. If your behaviors are causing you harm or aren’t working to reduce your distress as you hoped, all that means is that they aren’t quite the right option for you. There is never shame in trying to feel better, there are only things that serve you and things that don’t. 

 

“I have intrusive thoughts about ________”

 

What shame tells you this means: “My brain is out of control, I’m disgusting/disturbed for thinking that way”

 

What it actually means: You have a normal brain, working exactly how a normal brain should. Intrusive thoughts are so common, that it’s more uncommon to be someone who hasn’t experienced an intrusive thought. To be frank, I’ve never met someone who hasn’t experienced intrusive thoughts, only people who felt strong emotion after them, and people who brushed them off and forgot about them. Having intrusive thoughts (even ones that feel totally out of character!) says nothing about who you are. If these thoughts are causing you intense distress it is certainly worth discussing with a mental health provider, but even then, there is no shame in experiencing them. 

 

 

 

How to Practice Self-Compassion

How to Practice Self-Compassion

by | Nov 18, 2019 |

From a young age, most of us are taught how to be kind, considerate, and compassionate toward others. But rarely are we told to show the same consideration to ourselves. This becomes even more true for individuals brought up in hyper-critical or neglectful homes....

4 Reasons We Judge Others and How to Break the Habit

4 Reasons We Judge Others and How to Break the Habit

by | Sep 15, 2019 |

One of the things most of us are taught as children is to never judge others. “Don’t judge a book by its cover!” And yet, despite our best efforts, many of us fall into the trap over and over again. Why do we do it? Here are four common reasons that explain this...

4 ADHD Skills That Actually Work

4 ADHD Skills That Actually Work

by | Jul 9, 2022 | ADHD

If you have ADHD, you know that finding the right set of tools and techniques that work for you can be a process of trial and error. What works for you might be the opposite of helpful for someone else. Below you’ll find a few techniques to try that go beyond the traditional productivity tips.  

 

Body doubling:

Have you ever struggled to complete a task when you’re by yourself, but have no problem doing it once someone else is there? This is known as body doubling; completing a task in the presence of someone else. If you have a task you’ve been dreading, putting off, or half-completing, try video chatting a friend and let them know your task. You can also try body doubling online with other folks looking for the same assistance. Check out https://bodydoubling.com/!

O.H.I.O.

An acronym for “only handle it once”, this is a helpful tool for managing the clutter and organizational challenges that many people with ADHD deal with. Often, when we take something out (for example, a box of cereal), that item gets left on the counter as we move on to the next step of the task (milk, spoon, eat). When keeping O.H.I.O in mind, the idea is that the cereal box is dealt with prior to moving on to the next part of the task so you are only handling (literally and figuratively) it once vs. twice (taking it out, and then later cleaning up from the task). While this does immediately reduce clutter, the more importance aid here is in reducing yoru overall mental load. Completing the task in the moment means it’s one less thing for you to have to remember later on, and keeps your space more functional for other tasks. 

 

Labeling

Another organizational technique is the ever-classic labeling system. This might sound trite, but labeling is another tool to reduce your mental load. Neurotypical brains aren’t typically burdened by remembering which cabinet the strainer goes into, if the tape is put with the gift wrap or the office supplies, and where you put that important reminder card from the doctor. Brains with ADHD tend to forget these things and have to make an in-the-moment decision rather than an automated one. On the back end, that means we spend more time looking for things, sometimes even spending unnecessary money or time replacing things that appear to be lost. Labeling (even things that seem silly or you swear you’ll remember where they go) automates that process, saving you mental energy, time, and even money!

 

Novelty

ADHD brains love novelty, it’s one of the ways we can trigger a dopamine release. While it would be great to be able to lean on this for every task, inevitably we all have repetitive tasks. Introducing novelty is sometimes as simple as a new location (take it outside or go to a new coffee shop you’ve never been to before), listening to new music, making yourself a new drink or snack, or even just changing the lighting or ambience in your home environment. Novelty is an ever-moving target, so these new things will lose their effect at some point, but once you have the framework for what feels novel and interesting to your brain, you’ll know what to switch up to keep it engaging!

 

At Star Meadow Counseling, Alissa Loncar is our resident ADHD specialist.

 

 

 

7 Ways a Counselor Helps Facilitate Change

7 Ways a Counselor Helps Facilitate Change

by | Sep 26, 2018 |

It is a mistake to assume that someone is ready to make a change, just because they tell you they’re thinking about it. Change is more complicated than Nike’s “Just do it!” slogan. Counselors know that lasting change builds over time. Many counselors use a strategy...

Understanding Cognitive Therapy: The Basics

Understanding Cognitive Therapy: The Basics

by | Sep 13, 2018 | ,

Have you ever wondered how your feelings are generated? Do you understand what it is that triggers your emotions? The fact is, there are many different answers to these questions in the field of psychology.  Let’s take a look at just one of those approaches from the...

Answers to 3 Questions about Boundaries in Counseling

Answers to 3 Questions about Boundaries in Counseling

by | Sep 12, 2018 |

1. How does confidentiality work in therapy? Seeing a counselor is sort of like being in the witness protection program. Even the fact that the counselor knows you is kept private and confidential. That means that when they run into you out in public, the counselor...

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling

by | Mar 7, 2018 |

Most people start the counseling process with a readiness for change. Some may not know the specifics yet for how they’d like that change to look (maybe that’s why they’re in therapy), but in some way, they are not 100% satisfied with the status quo. When you step...

Embody Boldness: Overcome Your Fear of Failure

Embody Boldness: Overcome Your Fear of Failure

by | Apr 26, 2017 | ,

The fear of failure can be paralyzing. In fact, a fear of failure can derail a life's passion, sap out motivation, and sometimes stomp the brakes on all forward momentum. It's what convinces you NOT to apply for that promotion, NOT to ask that girl out, and invites...

A Guide For Talking to Children About Remote Violence

A Guide For Talking to Children About Remote Violence

by | Jul 1, 2022 | Parenting, Trauma

Children today are confronted with a baseline awareness of violence higher than most adults can imagine. “Remote violence” refers to exposure to highly violent images and stories, without experiencing the violence first-hand. In essence, this is the increasing awareness children hold that something could happen to them, even if it hasn’t yet. With monthly mass shooting drills in schools, awareness of police brutality against individuals and at peaceful demonstrations, and constant media coverage of physical and emotional violence, it’s nearly impossible for this to not reach a child in some way. It’s crucial that we find ways to talk about it to help them process, ask questions, and reaffirm our commitment to keeping them safe. There is no one right way to have this conversation, but keeping these three tenants in mind can help you create a framework to apply to the situation at hand. I’ve kept this purposefully simplistic; as much as I wish there were a script I could hand you, each conversation, each event, will demand a different response. It’s better to have a conversation, even if it doesn’t feel perfect to you so release the expectation that you’ll know exactly what to say, and focus your efforts on maintaining just these three principles:

 

  • Be developmentally appropriate
  • Be honest
  • Be regulated

 

Be developmentally appropriate: 

 

How you talk about events like this will vary widely based on the age and development of your child. A 3-year-old may not need to be told anything, whereas an 8-year-old will likely require a conversation.  Try to match the child’s level as closely as possible, and be prepared that they may have witnessed content or conversations what were not developmentally appropriate (overhearing adult conversations, hearing teachers at school, catching a news segment on the bus or seeing a newspaper on the street). Younger children may ask questions in an attempt to understand something outside their normal experience, while older children and teens may not need information or answers to questions as much as reminders of security and support. 

 

Be honest

 

You don’t need to have all the answers are tie things up perfectly, it’s an unrealistic goal that will leave you feeling like you’ve failed despite doing the best you can. In many ways, telling your child you don’t know something (when you truly don’t) helps them trust what you’re saying and offers an opportunity to seek that information together or process the uneasiness that comes with not knowing. Except in very young children, try to resist the urge to promise safety at all times, or to lie and come up with a reason why scary things won’t ever be part of their experience. Oftentimes children are aware that an adult can’t ensure this, and they’ll wonder what else you aren’t telling them. Instead, focus on the aspects of safety they do have- in you and other trusted adults, in the protocols and procedures of their school and other environments, community resiliency, training of those in positions of protection, etc. Kids need our honesty, but again, a developmentally appropriate version of that honesty. 

 

Be regulated

 

Out of the three, this is easily the most important. It can be incredibly difficult to manage your own distress while being present for your child. If you feel you aren’t in a place of emotional regulation, wait to have this discussion until you can. For younger children, seeing their parent highly distressed is confusing and scary. For older children, it can put them in a state of overwhelm or lead to a feeling of responsibility to care for their adult’s emotions. Neither of these options offer space to process their own emotions. When we talk about emotional regulation, we don’t mean you need to pretend everything is fine (they’d see through the inauthenticity in that fairly quickly!) This only means that you’re in a place to hold space for the child’s emotions, even when they get heavy. Letting them know you feel the gravity of what’s happened is good, letting that take precedence when they need you for support is what we try to avoid. It’s even ok to engage your child in the coping strategies you use to get to that place of regulation, it will help you be most present for them, and model healthy coping strategies they can use when they were overwhelmed. 

 


If you take one thing from reading this, please know that the specific words you choose in these conversations are significantly less important than how you show up in the conversation.  Remember, your goal in these conversations is not to take their fear and pain completely away, only to guide them through it in a way that helps them feel as safe and secure as possible as they navigate a world that can be both scary and beautiful. 

 

 

 

The Mental Health Dangers of an Over-Stuffed School Schedule

The Mental Health Dangers of an Over-Stuffed School Schedule

by | Sep 1, 2019 |

For their teens to succeed as adults, many parents (and teens) think they must be involved in numerous extracurricular activities. Perhaps we believe this abundance of activities will foster a sense of pride and accomplishment. Perhaps parents are hoping to keep teens...

All about EMDR as Trauma Therapy

All about EMDR as Trauma Therapy

by | Dec 4, 2018 | ,

Have you heard of EMDR? Among therapists, it’s all the rage as an up-and-coming, evidenced based approach for trauma treatment. Because it is different than standard talk therapy, we thought you might have some questions. We’d love to help demystify EMDR as a form of...

Life Hacks For When Everything Feels Hard

Life Hacks For When Everything Feels Hard

by | Jun 16, 2022 | Coping, Depression, General

Mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and ADHD can make for difficult days. Ideally, with the right combination of therapy, coping skills, or medication, there won’t be so many hard days. But sometimes we hit a rough patch or experience a stressor or change in our functioning that leaves us feeling like even the smallest of tasks are impossible. If you’ve ever been there, you probably know the compounding effect and how hard it can feel to care for yourself and your space. There are many resources about how to manage these things from a longer-term perspective, but what do we do when we’re in the thick of it? Below you’ll find some specific examples, but the idea here is to tailor this general framework to what feels manageable in the moment. 

 

  • Release the expectation of what you “should” be doing
  • Do something even if you can’t do everything
  • Get creative with how it gets done
  • Ask for help 

 

Hygiene

For a lot of folks, showering can feel like a monumental task, so let’s go through some other options. Some people prefer to take a bath, or just turn on the shower and sit to conserve energy. For some, it’s the idea of getting out of the warm water that feels overwhelming, so picking out comfortable clothes or putting a heating pad on a towel to minimize discomfort does the trick. If all else fails, move to dry shampoo and baby wipes. Is it ideal? No. But you’ll feel better than you did before and that’s an accomplishment. 

 

Nutrition

Mental health challenges often directly impact appetite and nutrition; the type, frequency, and scheduling of eating and drinking can feel like a never-ending task. If this is you, think about foods that combine convenience and nutrition. Stock a bedside cart with non-perishable items that fuel your body so there’s no planning or preparing needed when you’re having a harder time. Throw out the rules of what’s expected if it sounds good to you and will give you energy. Lasagna for breakfast? Sure! Ham, cheese, and bread eaten separately but not put together into a sandwich? Why not! Keep a list of low-effort meal ideas on your fridge so that if seeing too many options feels overwhelming you can remove the burden of decision-making. Getting enough water can also be a challenge, so try adding flavor, sucking on ice cubes, stocking up on hydration aids/drinks, filling up one large water bottle for the day, or even bringing a water dispenser into your space.  If you find yourself struggling with nutrition long-term or feel like it is tied to other factors, please reach out to a therapist and/or dietician for help. 

 

Environment 

Many people find their home environment starts to reflect how they are feeling, and can sometimes begin to exacerbate the original difficulty. Again, we’re throwing out the rules that your space needs to look “perfect”, and instead focusing on the word “functional”. Your definition of functional will be individual, but in general, all it means is that you are physically safe and comfortable and can find the things you need with relative ease. Does it matter if your sheets match? Nope, but having sheets would likely feel better. Does it matter if you fold your clothes? No. But it would probably help to sort them into bins so you can find what you need. Does every surface need to be clutter-free? No. But make sure you can comfortably spend time in your home and have space to do other tasks will help them feel more manageable. 

 

Outsourcing

There is inherent privilege in being able to outsource certain care tasks (laundry, cleaning, meal prep, etc.) If you have the means to be able to do those by hiring someone, now may be the time to consider lowering your burden. That being said, for many people this is where asking for help from your supports must come into play. When you’re struggling, asking for assistance can feel embarrassing and shameful, but most people understand the struggle more than you might think. Ask for help in a way that feels manageable, but that would make an immediate improvement in your functioning. Ask your supports if they can grab a few grocery items on their next trip or run an errand for you, if they can take your dog for a walk or cover school pick-up. Some people find it easier to complete tasks for other people, so see if you and and a friend can swap tasks to benefit you both. 

 

These are small changes, and while it may not seem like much at first, showing up for yourself in these incremental ways helps to both provide the energy your brain and body need to move through, but also to signal to your brain that you’re worthy of care. It doesn’t matter how you show up for yourself, only that you do. 

 

 

 

Coping with Scarcity and Scarcity Mentality

Coping with Scarcity and Scarcity Mentality

by | May 11, 2020 | ,

Are you among the millions of people that have lost work since a state of emergency was declared last month? Employment numbers keep rising across the country. And those numbers don’t account for those whose applications for unemployment remain in limbo. There is an...

6 Suggestions for Coping with Grief at Work

6 Suggestions for Coping with Grief at Work

by | Jun 17, 2019 | ,

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful tragedies that humans suffer. The impact of this loss is often crushing, and in the aftermath of loss, we often feel like we have no control over anything. Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s perfectly...

5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

by | Jun 2, 2019 | ,

The hard work and unpredictability that makes parenting so rewarding can also cause a great deal of anxiety. Here are some simple ways to bring yourself to a place of calm.   Make a To-Do List Ruminating on worries can cause lots of stress. Clear your mind by...