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You Are Not Alone: Finding Support as a Male Sexual Abuse Survivor

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support as a Male Sexual Abuse Survivor

by | PTSD, Sexual Abuse / Trauma, Trauma

On an almost daily basis we hear stories of female sexual harassment and abuse in the media. Sadly, male sexual abuse is fairly common, but the issue is under-reported by the media and society in general.

One US-based study found that 1 in 6 boys experience some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18. Other research suggests the ratio may be as high as 1 in 4.

Why is this conduct not reported more often?

To start, most men are embarrassed to be the victim of sexual abuse, particularly when it is perpetrated by other men. In our culture, men are supposed to be invulnerable and not feel emotional pain. In other words, guys are supposed to be the strong, silent type. It simply goes against the silent rules of being a man to acknowledge trauma and admit that you are suffering.

As a result, male victims of sexual abuse shove their feelings down and deny what happened. This repression of experience and emotion can and often does lead to isolation, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), major depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are also common among victims of male sexual abuse.

It’s important to get help.

If you are the victim of sexual abuse, understand that you are far from alone. As the topic becomes more mainstream, there is less judgement by those who don’t understand how a man could be victimized in such a way. Education regarding male sexual abuse and demystifying misconceptions surrounding rape is essential to help male survivors heal and speak out.

While more needs to be done to bring this subject to mass awareness, it’s important that individual victims seek support. A therapist will be able to help you deal with your complex emotions and offer strategies to move through and past feelings of depression and anxiety. In time, healing can and does occur.

We have trauma counseling specialists available.

If you or someone you know is a male victim of sexual abuse and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch. A counselor from our team would be more than happy to help. We have two counselors available with an EMDR specialty and one who is a certified IATP Clinical Trauma Professional.

 

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10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

by | Anxiety, Apps, Coping, Depression, Motivation

According to statistics from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, each year about 1 out of every 5 Americans adults suffer from one form of mental illness or the other. Mathematically, that works out to 48.3 million of the total American adult population, and with a figure that high, it’s easy to see that you are not alone.

If you are presently living with any mental illness, there is hope. With the proliferation of tech (in the form of mental health apps), each and everyone living with depression, anxiety, or life stress can now access low cost support that can augment their work in individual counseling.

These apps strive to improve mental health by harnessing therapeutic processes and activities such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), meditation, relaxation, etc. They can be a great supplement to the work you are doing with your counselor!

There are countless types of these mental health apps that you can easily download from Google Play store or Apple Store, but being that variety also comes with the attendant issue of difficulty in making a choice, with this article, we have stepped in to take away the pain and confusion by helping you handpick the top 10 mental health apps from around the internet.

For each app listed below, we have gone ahead to explain the notable features and benefits, state the price (where applicable) and also provide you with download links.

Please note that the under listed apps are, in no way, purported to be replacements for professional treatment. They are meant to provide aid and support.

With that out of the way, here are our top 10 mental health apps for Android and iOS.

  1. Gottman Card Decks

 This app is specifically designed to soothe those going through relationship stress. Designed by the popular Gottman Institute, just as the name suggests, the app comes in the form of a deck of cards which contains questions you can ask your spouse concerning your relationship. The Gottman approach to couple’s counseling is world renowned and now you can have access to Gottman’s relationship and communication skills in app format!  This app also suggests fun things to do and say to keep the fire ever blazing in your relationship.

With a rating of 4.7 and 4.8 stars on Play Store and iTunes respectively and tens of thousands of downloads, you can’t go wrong with this app when it comes to easing relationship stress.

The app is free on both iTunes and Play Store. Download from iTunes here and download from Play Store here.

  1. Insight Timer

Insight Timer is a multiple award-winning app for meditation, anxiety, sleep, and mindfulness. If you are looking for a way to reduce anxiety, manage stress, calm the mind, sleep deeply and improve happiness, then this is the app for you.

With upwards of 10 new guided meditations added for free every day, coupled with awesome music tracks from renowned artists available on the app to use in your sessions, it will be an awesome experience joining millions of other users in trying out this app.

Presently, the app has been downloaded over 1 million times on Play Store, and it is free to download with in-app purchases as a means for the developers to make their income. You can download the app on Play Store here and on iTunes here

  1. SuperBetter

Looking to improve your motivation and drive? SuperBetter is an all-rounder app that aims to help users build strength and resilience to overcome tough obstacles and challenges in life. Are you going through a stressful relationship, wanting to beat depression, overcome anxiety, survive a divorce, or get a job? SuperBetter is a good motivator to try.

You can download SuperBetter for free on Play Store here and here for iOS.

  1. Headspace

Headspace is a nicely designed app that aims to help you with meditation and mindfulness.

Apart from teaching you how to sleep mindfully, breathe and meditate, it is also designed to help you increase your focus level. There are also exercises on anxiety relief, stress management, and happiness.

The app is free with in-app purchases. Download it for Android here and for iOS here.

  1. iChill

Do you notice how anxiety or stress impacts you in both mind and body? Just as the name suggests, the iChill app is designed to help with whole-body stress management. The app is built to cut across several demographics: children, teens, adults, veterans, and more. iChill is also teaches users skills from the Trauma Resiliency Model.

The app is totally free. Download for Android here and for iOS here.

  1. Stop, breathe & think

This is a meditation and mindfulness app that breathing exercises and guided meditation to help with calming anxiety and sleeping better. It is also described to manage depression, tame anxiety and strengthen focus.

Download it for free on Play Store here and here. The app is loaded with in-app purchases.

  1. Relaxio

Relaxio is an app development company that has a consortium of apps that are all centered on meditation, and sleep.

If your stress levels are high, then you might want to consider checking out one of their apps at relaxio.net. You can download any of the apps that meet your specific needs from the site.

  1. Youper

Tagged the world’s most beloved AI assistant, the app uses quick therapeutic conversations to help you monitor your general emotional health. This is a good app to consider if your goal is to tame stress, depression, and anxiety.

The app is loaded with a beautiful mood tracker and uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and other techniques to try to get you to maintain a calm mind. The app is free with in-app purchases. Get the Android version here and the iOS version here.

  1. Mindshift

Mindshift is a free app designed by Anxiety Canada Association using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as a core technology to help you tackle anxiety. The app is also designed as a tool to aid you to relax more, be more mindful and aid you build more effective ways of thinking.

Download the Android version here and the iOS version here.

  1. Calm Harm

This is an app developed by a Clinical Psychologist that is geared towards helping prevent self-harm.

The password secured app has 4 major categories (Distract, Comfort, “Express Yourself” and Release) that are strategically placed to help you progressively get out of the self-harm mindset.

The app is totally free, and you can get the Android version here. You can as well download the iOS version here.

 

Interested in reading more from our blog? Check out one of these additional blog articles:

What Causes Insomnia? 15 Key Culprits

What Causes Insomnia? 15 Key Culprits

by | Apr 1, 2019 |

If you’re someone who spends most of the night tossing and turning and checking the time on the clock, you’re definitely not alone. According to the National Institute of Health, there are an estimated 50 to 70 million Americans chronically suffering from some kind of...

Anxiety and Stress: How Does Our Body React?

Anxiety and Stress: How Does Our Body React?

by | Anxiety, Fear, Panic Attacks

Have you ever wondered what’s happening in your body when anxiety and stress are triggered?

Stress and Anxiety are “fight or flight” responses, which allow us to react faster and more appropriately, depending on the situation. These have been incorporated in us for centuries; they were part of what kept us alive in the face of various predators.

Today, however, we express these responses even though the “dangers” around us are entirely different. Sometimes, as in the case of anxiety, we just “assume” the “danger” and trigger this reaction, where many symptoms come to the surface.

Physiology behind Stress and Anxiety

Our brain controls many of our organism’s responses, voluntarily or involuntarily. In principle, we perceive the warning or danger signal, the initial trigger, where our brain understands that it must prepare the body to flee or fight quickly.

In order to do so, it acts through a system called the autonomic nervous system (ANS), to which it sends a signal. This ANS is in turn divided into sympathetic and parasympathetic, which regulate different responses.

The reactions that occur in stress and anxiety have to do with the release of important hormones (such as adrenaline and noradrenaline) by the sympathetic nervous system. These products travel through our body triggering a set of different reactions that will end up “activating” it.

Now, let us quickly analyze some of the effects of this hormone in the context of a real-life scenario: an imminent danger is coming towards you (for example, a person tries to grab your purse). In this case, your reaction might be to flee. What does your body need to respond appropriately?

1) Heart rate: It must be increased to enhance the oxygen and nutrients that reach your muscles and tissues to maintain the flight response.

2) Blood vessels: Pressure must increase in the arteries and veins to improve blood flow to the muscles. This vasoconstriction is the origin of headache under conditions of stress or anxiety.

3) Lungs: In order to give more oxygen to the blood and thus reach the lungs, the airways must be widened and the breath rate increased.

4) Sweating: This is not nervousness. Under this response, your body temperature increases to improve metabolic reactions and promote other biological reactions, all these to respond better to the “danger” that approaches. Sweating is a compensation mechanism for this increase in temperature.

5) Intestine: It is time to stop everything! It is not time to eat or digest; it is time to flee from danger. Therefore, the intestinal contents are stopped, through spasms, which can cause pain.

6) Kidney: In a fear-inducing emergency, the body produces less urine in order to preserve the liquids we have. The same goes for salivary glands. Our brain isn’t sure how long the danger will last, so it goes into conservation mode.

These, and many other responses are necessary to be able to “run away” properly, and all are mediated by the sympathetic nervous system. This is part of what you suffer when you are under stress or with anxiety. They are also limited responses that only last a few minutes – if the original “dangerous” stimulus disappears” – but that may remain a little longer in people who constantly suffer from it.


Since our body responds to perceived dangers (Ex.:  Worried thoughts about what someone is thinking about you) in the same way as it does to genuine physical dangers (Ex. Rabid animal), it’s up to you to communicate with your body to assist it in deescalating the threat.

Tips for Finding the Off-Switch for Stress and Anxiety

Here are some quick tips for sending signals to your nervous system that will help it deescalate:

  • Self-Talk: Identify the “danger” thought triggering your anxiety. See if you can talk it off the ledge. Right-size your anxiety by talking back to any over-generalization, catastrophization, mind-reading, or future-telling. Sometimes examining the facts can ease your anxiety (ex. Is the worst-case scenario really as bad as you imagine?).
  • Diaphragmatic Breathing: Your body’s diaphragm is directly connected to the Vagus nerve, which helps regulate the on and off switch for your sympathetic nervous system. If you breath deeply using that muscle in your belly, you’ll notice your system start to slow.
  • Channeling the Anxiety for the Power of Good: Anxiety gives you a big burst of energy, focused concentration, and drive. Why not use it to help you make a plan, research options, weigh pros/cons, or spur on action!

If you’d like help with stress or anxiety, a counselor with Star Meadow Counseling is available to help!

Would you like to read more of our blogs about anxiety? Check out one of the links below!

Anxiety: Your Friend?
How to Ruminate Purposefully
5 Tricks for Falling Asleep
Anxiety: Your Friend?

Anxiety: Your Friend?

by | Anxiety, Panic Attacks

Anxiety and panic attacks are uncomfortable. Sometimes anxiety is so physically uncomfortable that people experience heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, dizziness, difficulty breathing, or faintness. Sometimes anxiety symptoms worry someone so much that they call 911 or take themselves to the emergency room, only to be turned away after being assured that the problem is “just” anxiety.

In the counseling office, counselors often hear clients eager to alleviate and rid themselves entirely of anxiety. Certainly, relief would be nice, and some coping skills would be helpful. But what if honoring feelings of anxiety may help (in the end) to decrease anxiety? Before you say goodbye to your anxiety, consider the reasons why feeling anxious might be to your benefit.

Feeling anxiety may…

  • Be a catalyst for change.

People may feel persistently anxious when when something in their life needs to change. For example, if you err on the side of workaholism, burnout is a very real risk. Anxiety is your body’s way of signaling overload. It is alerting you to a need to say “no” to something on your plate. It can prompt you to challenge your list of have-to obligations.

  • Help you acclimate to new things.

Anxiety can be a sign that you are outside of your comfort zone. Anytime you do something new, anxiety is there to help you get your bearings, watch for “danger,” and minimize risk. Often, the more that you repeatedly experience being out of your comfort zone in a specific way, the more your comfort zone expands, and the less you need anxiety to help you be watchful.

  • Be self-honoring and validating.

When you tell yourself to “stop feeling anxious,” you are sending a message that there is something “bad” or wrong happening. That self-talk message can create a form of secondary anxiety– anxiety about having anxiety! These worried thoughts about the anxiety itself can increase tension (and add in guilt or shame), rather than alleviate stress. Instead, if you tell yourself that it’s okay to feel nervous or be panicked, they can begin to feel more okay with themselves and honor the good reasons why they might be anxious.

  • Ease a panic attack.

Most of the time, panic attacks are triggered by something stressful in your environment, then made worse by “danger” thoughts about the panic itself. Common catastrophic thoughts experienced during a panic attack include (but aren’t limited to):

  • “I shouldn’t be so anxious.”
  • “I’m having a heart attack.”
  • “Why is this happening again?”
  • “I’m going to faint.”
  • “I’m going to die.”
  • “My panic attack will never end. I can’t handle this.”

Panicked thoughts about your body’s experience of anxiety only make you more afraid. These thoughts feed your panic and make it difficult for your body to calm. In fact, how long a panic attack lasts might be somewhat in your control. If you can stop scaring yourself with catastrophic thoughts (or should-thoughts), the adrenaline from your fight-or-flight reaction will wear itself out in a few minutes.

Instead, try not to ignore what you’re feeling. Notice and feel the sensations of your anxiety or panic. Assure yourself that the feelings aren’t harmful (because they’re usually not). Don’t fight the feelings, but imagine yourself surfing them like a wave. The more you resist, the higher your anxiety; the more you accept what you’re feeling, the more quickly it can pass.

  • Increase Performance (at low to moderate levels)

Certainly high or persistent anxiety can be more of a hindrance than a help. However, at occasional low-to-moderate levels, anxiety prepares your body for action in a more productive manner. It increases drive, focus, clarity, strength, and stamina on intellectually stimulating tasks.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that is safe (and helpful) for you to feel. Let yourself feel your feelings, but then move on. Anxiety has a tendency to take over if it becomes your primary focus. Stay engaged in practice of living life. A mental health counselor can help you build a customized tool box for coping (and making friends) with anxiety.

Want to read more about Anxiety? Check out these posts:

How to Ruminate Purposefully
5 Steps to Coping with Panic Attacks
15 Ways to Get MORE Socially Anxious
All about EMDR as Trauma Therapy

All about EMDR as Trauma Therapy

by | PTSD, Trauma

Have you heard of EMDR? Among therapists, it’s all the rage as an up-and-coming, evidenced based approach for trauma treatment. Because it is different than standard talk therapy, we thought you might have some questions. We’d love to help demystify EMDR as a form of trauma treatment.

 

What is EMDR?

Standing for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR is a specialized kind of therapy that allows traumatic memories to become desensitized, losing some of their emotional intensity. EMDR is an 8 step process. That process does NOT begin with the trauma processing itself. Instead, the therapist ensures that you have a stockpile of effective coping skills and resources to aid you in the trauma processing experience prior to beginning any sort of trauma processing. The goal throughout the therapy is to provide relief to trauma triggers and not to re-traumatize you in the re-telling of experiences. Only once a clear plan has been developed and coping skills are in place will the therapist guide you through the re-processing experience. Re-processing often involves specialized eye movements that the therapists guides you through while you simultaneously access a specific traumatic memory or severe fear. The two elements use both halves of your brain to more effectively neutralize the negative emotions and desensitizing the memory. The goal of EMDR is not to erase the memory, it’s to reprogram it so that it’s less traumatic.

 

What conditions can EMDR help with?

There are a lot of different situations in which EMDR can be helpful, making it popular for therapists and counselors around the world. It is best known for helping those clients who are recovering from a traumatic experience or those diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). However, research is indicating that EMDR may also be helpful with conditions such as anxiety/panic disorders, grief, severe fears or phobias, and even “common” problems such as self-esteem issues or anger issues.

 

How is it helpful with trauma?

There are a lot of ways the EMDR can be helpful to dealing with trauma. This specific kind of therapy can not only help someone heal from a trauma experience, but also improve their quality of life. For example, EMDR can be helpful with:

  • Identifying the root memory: One key step in the EMDR process is uncovering where the trauma comes from, which can be helpful in understand when, where, and how it started.
  • Processing the memory in a healthy way: EMDR is all about seeing the memory from a different point of view in terms of making it less traumatic and overwhelming. This perspective shifting plays a major role in the healing process.
  • Improving your quality of life:  EMDR tends to be helpful in reducing trauma triggers and reducing the impacts of trauma in your life.

 

What are the risks of EMDR therapy?

EMDR does not come without potential risks. Though EMDR tends to be gentle and stress-reducing, there is a potential risk of an increase in flashbacks, nightmares, or anxiety, usually in the short-term. Other memories may also resurface as trauma processing starts up that may be distressing. If you are in recovery from an addiction, EMDR processing may trigger feelings that, in the past, may have lead to a relapse. If you are a person in recovery (or actively use substances to cope with feelings), this will be something you should disclose to your therapist.

The EMDR therapists on the Star Meadow Counseling team will fully review the risks and benefits of EMDR therapy with you in helping determine if it is a therapeutic approach that might be a fit for you.

EMDR can offer real results for people dealing with trauma. For those looking for options alternative to traditional talk therapy, this may just be the right fit.

 

Want to read more from our blog? Check out one of these articles:

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5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety as a Parent

The hard work and unpredictability that makes parenting so rewarding can also cause a great deal of anxiety. Here are some simple ways to bring yourself to a place of calm.   Make a To-Do List Ruminating on worries can cause lots of stress. Clear your mind by...

What Causes Insomnia? 15 Key Culprits

What Causes Insomnia? 15 Key Culprits

If you’re someone who spends most of the night tossing and turning and checking the time on the clock, you’re definitely not alone. According to the National Institute of Health, there are an estimated 50 to 70 million Americans chronically suffering from some kind of...

10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

10 Awesome Mental Health Apps

According to statistics from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, each year about 1 out of every 5 Americans adults suffer from one form of mental illness or the other. Mathematically, that works out to 48.3 million of the total American adult population, and with...